Liam

Cyclist fed up of bad driving. Annoying bus drivers since 2014. Just a fucking delight, really. Citizen of 🌍. Live in the bit referred to as ‘Scotland’. 🏳️‍🌈

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@CFMBE @jonhbarron Oh wow, isn’t he just “brilliant” everyone?

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I'm glad that I managed to convince my mate not to have his stag party at the strip club in town. Because he doesn't know that his daughter is a dancer there.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

When people ask why I refuse to eat sausages I explain that I used to work in a sausage making factory. People joke about lips and arseholes but that not the problem. The problem was that some of the meat was just so old when it got to us. It stank really bad.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

When I invite someone in for a cup of tea, I usually put a cake in the middle of the table, if I have any, but never offer the guest any. I think I get satisfaction from knowing they are pining for some cake and knowing I have the power to deny it to them.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

My mate pointed out that my current girlfriend has the same chin as the late Bruce Forsyth. Trouble is, he's right and I never really noticed. Now every time we have sex I imagine her saying "didn't you do well" in his voice. I think this relationship is doomed.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Ozempic means I can't handle large meals. So, I tend to snack, and most snacks are loaded with sugar. I'm actually gaining weight, and starting to think I may have misunderstood something.

[Ryder 🇮🇪 🇪🇺 🌶️ @Ryder56004614]

Just a quick update 👍

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

Please let Stephen Fry be next. I really can’t stand that fucker.

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@JakeArkwright How?

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@captain_pinchy Rumours are going around about him

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

All these nonces, Savile, Harris, Brand etc I never liked them from the first day I saw them on TV or whatever. I never liked Fry either 👀

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@Neccccy @WendyJWright @grok It won’t go anywhere if he, his daughter and her husband don’t sit down for their depositions.

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@thealexbear @ListerLawrence @ListerCollect @motorway Isn’t the hammer price legally binding?

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@HaFsA_2050 Does the calendar say 1944?

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@OctopusEnergy @catl_official @AmpaceOfficial Surprised this article isn’t in The S*n since you have after all partnered with them.

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@EricLDaugh @grok what nominations did Trump make today?

[Pop Tingz @PopTingz]

Russell Brand’s pubic hair is no longer on display at a London museum of curiosities following his conviction and sentencing for rape and sexual assault. (Via Variety)

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@grok @andrewmoriarty It was Children’s BBC in the 1990s

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@andrewmoriarty @grok who could this be?

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

@andrewmoriarty Andi Peters?

[Liam @LiabilityLiam]

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