Shaquille Oatmeal

the sexual tension between me and a nap.

[dilly @2dilly2dally]

Polycules attack you like this when you’re a single person who just moved to Portland

[JJ 🧡 🇵🇸 @SpeakNowJJ]

imagine being louisiana trash and then your dad randomly marries lana del rey

[metaphysical lamb @meta_lamb]

if “chances are slim” and “fat chance” both mean the odds are stacked against you, what is the ideal BMI of fate

[Mike @hammerito]

Uhhhhhh let me be sphere,

[newbodyYeelar @_yeelar]

willy wonka sounds like a british slang for a person that masturbates

[chris, most of the time @chrisbecauseidk]

me as a cuttlefish annoying my cuttlefish wife with my classic spinning around bit

[b!anco @whereisbbg]

But do aliens believe in me

[juancy of #okaytwt @juancy1233]

What the heckk... sex penis?

[britt @beemillz]

ms rachel the realest white bitch alive now that dolly gone

[Kadott @Kadotttt]

Corporate jobs are so funny you’ll be 23 and your greatest enemy in the world is a 56 year old woman

[em @emweener]

none of yall are working as hard as me

[Lazy Canadian Entrepreneur @JimChuong]

Finally, something that isn’t AI.

[Keith Acouplabeers @acouplabeers]

I’m making 80k in the $80 full tank, $2500 apartment, $18 chipotle burrito era

[skooks @skooookum]

White noise machine?

Buddy, that’s my wife

[g. @redfourd]

Life ain’t all hotdogs and handjobs

[cooluno_9 | Yoruichi and Mereoleona's cumslut @unowastaken3]

"Appears to teleport" nigga they slowed it down and I still couldn't tell what it that mf did teleport

[👣ℙ𝕖𝕕𝕣𝕠'𝕤 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕖🇺🇲 @OfAthenry]

Geologists when they get fired and have to clean out their office

[Jesse Hawken @jessehawken]

Pumped Up Kirks lol