Johnny 2 Balls

Victim of a gang mute.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

Just you wait. In 10-20 years, you'll start noticing a bunch of kids named Tariff.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

My advice is to choose a charming hobby that no one can hold against you.

[Sunshine Jarboly @SunshineJarboly]

the local market in my village has seagull flavored gum.

[Cat From Nowhere @kv8]

Looking at office chairs online like, why do so many of these brag they'll hold 500lbs right off the bat? It's for one person right? Maybe I forgot how chairs work.

[Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki]

She’s fries in the bag, but as a person

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

He had eyes the color of dill pickle water and the education to know that's brine.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

I'll judge you by how you pronounce "foyer"

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

@fuzzlime It's pronounced vestibule

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

Flag football in the 2028 Olympic Games? A hot dog eating contest can not be far behind.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

@AnneHatfieldVO over-Nair'ing?

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

What happens is you start to think of your body as so much non-arable land.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

93% of all road rage incidents have been quashed by an offering of a handful of Chicken in a Biscuit - Original Baked Snack Crackers and a few slices of smoked gouda.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

An engagement account contributing nothing.

That's who you am.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

Go ahead. Ridicule our backward little town. We're thankful it has nothing for you.

[Matty @bestestname]

Laser tag makes me realize how quickly I will die in the laser wars

[Matty @bestestname]

Nothing matters. Going to start calling things "rad" again.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

Another bright, sunny morning.
Another bulbous, scalded tongue.

[Herschel Pennymacker @pennymacker]

The newspaper man asked what I do for a living and I said “fool the public” and he just wrote it down.

[Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki]

There are too many words in books. Vote for me & I’ll limit books to <281 characters

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Put them in 12 separate containers, all carefully painted to represent each egg's astrological sign.

[Johnny 2 Balls @LooptyBoo]

@AnneHatfieldVO 🏆