Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️

for booking inquiries: yes please!! Stand up comedian and host of The Comedy Store Doorcast. I’m nice now 2.0 in full effect. Legacy verified 🕶️

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Whatever your pinned tweet is should be on your grave

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

@RipCityUltimate not your brother

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Q: What are the three secrets of comedy?

A: timing and misdirection

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

I tell my daughter there are starving kids in Africa. Not during mealtimes. Just all the time, to depress her

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Got booked for a show on Friday. The next day, booker tells me the venue cancelled his show there forever. That’s the Luke Schwartz effect, baby! 😉

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Ah yes, D’applesauce

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

This is the best mural in Los Angeles and it isn’t even close

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

@CooneyOrDie Not me! My dodge charger is black with red stripes!

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Ah yes, Miss Sticky one

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Too much dad content?

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

The spit up on my shirt I wear like a dad badge of honor 🫡

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Yelling “you can’t treat me like this, I’m a father” at my baby

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

@RichSlaton Dutch Chef

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Ah yes, dork cum is dying

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Calling twitter Ex

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Greeting all the orthodox in my neighborhood with “feliz año nuevo” and “buenas yuntif”. Really confusing to them 😏

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Ah yes, bisexual McGee

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Ah yes, a custard notre dame

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

In the next 30 years I’ll bet we’ll have a president named Creighton or Jaxton or something stupid like that

[Luke Schwartz is nice again, 🤷‍♂️ @LukeDoesStuff]

Remember ladies, just because he’s wearing nail polish doesn’t mean he’s an ally