marles barkley 🐌

I'm a 47-year-old cigar smoking man in a 32 year-old girl’s body, if you're into that sort of thing...

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

If I had a bf I would roll him up in an area rug real tight and make him listen to my one woman show ideas until he cries (lol tears of joy obviously bc it’s so riveting)

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Absolutely stoked for the small talk this week revolving around how it doesn’t feel like whichever day it is currently due to the holiday throwing everything off😮‍💨🔥🔥

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Don’t try to boss me around in all lowercase texts, I’m not gonna

[hope hopes hoping @hopes_revenge]

personally i am not really impressed when a computer is good at math — since a computer is math . i am a lot more intrigued by things like , for example , a rat being an exceptional cook — since that’s not really expected

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Girl who smoked 4,000 cigarettes in 2018 googles ways to minimize Canadian wildfire air exposure

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

I’m hungry like the woof

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

@LaneBED If you want baby girl

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Going forth, would like to be addressed as Slug Lord ✨✨

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Self care is taking a moment to stop, inhale and be one with the Mac and cheese pasta steam

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Our mom asked chat gpt what happens to a dogs soul when it dies

[dan @Dansplainer]

a small vial labeled POISON with a skull on it would hit the spot right now

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

@LaneBED She said it’s funny how I know so much and so little at once

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

I just said aloud to the cat “I’m questioning the nature of my reality” and she had an understanding look in her eyes, no homo

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Hello, 9 year olds, I'm your English teacher. This Robert Frost poem is called "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". It's about a guy that wants to commit suicide but he can't because he has chores to do

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

If you put me in a small room & played cotton eyed joe 3+ times I’d spill all the governments juiciest secrets

[tabitha arnold @thetolerantweft]

I’m a lot like Jesus Christ in the sense that I showed a lot of promise as a child and then basically fell off in my 20’s but returned at 33 to pop off unimaginably hard

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

RT

[Lane @LaneBED]

Thank u Marley for being my consistent friend and single interactive follower I have besides my sister (sometimes)

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

@LaneBED Just scratches my itchy brain every time

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Eat, drink, AND be merry? Yeah fuckin right

[marles barkley 🐌 @MBarkleyJr]

Do people even do shotgun weddings anymore ? What happened to the American dream