Dorothy Scott

Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're a fake. It means you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

Fake friends just wanna know your business to tell your business.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

Looking at things you wrote or comments you made from a year ago and wondering how you could possibly be that stupid.

[Doris Dossantos @7Nliskovich]

Why do banks lock their pens to the desk? If i'm trusting you with my money, dont you think you can trust me with your pen?

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

"If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then sfjieowfiojsfj{fsjfkja}[fsaf]f.fsfas." - Lemony Snicket

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[Denise Threatt @GorlychevaMr]

You're 9 and you have a phone? ... Who do you call? Dora?

[Tia Herrera @strugovetsf]

If I would have been paid for being lazy, I'd have been a billionaire

[Juanita Murphy @tozaviFi]

That awesome feeling of how gangster you are after rapping your favorite part of a song without screwing up.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

I got a text! I hope it's from.......... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

"Don't tell your mom."

[Anita Garris @Chesner80]

Car sickness is that feeling you get every month when the payment is due.

[Guillermo Douglas @volnotepovadzh1]

Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you hear it but you can't see them. Then right when you walk by them, they're quiet.

[Colleen White @BGbabalych]

If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting.

[Connie Hernandez @zaborevap]

So when people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

Hmm... these weren't skinny jeans when I bought them.

[Linda Donaldson @opeshcherov1]

I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.

[Dorothy Scott @MKugnachev]

When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected", slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.