Management101

You need help managing your employees. I've got all the latest management techniques to control them!

[Management101 @Manage911]

I've had an influx of followers the last couple days. This is largely due to my highly valuable business insights. Welcome to the newcomers! And I'll tell you the same thing I tell all my employees: you're welcome, truly.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@AskAManager Red Werewolf on there saying the quiet part out loud.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@GrowMap @BusinessInsider Ugh so true. Squatters have it easy! I've been in mourning over the plight of land owners for a long time now but no one listens to me.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@MissElizaPee This is why you regularly get employee of the month. Send the payment in Doge Coin. Easier to avoid taxes that way.

[Management101 @Manage911]

Elon Musk didn't invent Twitter for all of you to be on here wasting time when you should be working. Get back to work!

[Management101 @Manage911]

@GrowMap The government can't enforce mask mandates, let alone force people to use electricity.
And you yourself said these people don't have running water so they're probably dirty. Key component of riff raff.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@FinancialTimes I banned sick days at my companies years ago. How can sitting around doing nothing be productive? Makes no sense. You can still work while groaning and crying.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@GrowMap @kelkord Electricity is a luxury, and rivers and streams should provide enough of what is needed in terms of water. Municipalities will have to learn to live with this riff raff until they can strategically inherit the wealth of their families and move out of their forest shanties.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@OK_Magazine When my wife tried to poison me for the 3rd time she still wasn't disqualified from taking my millions in a divorce. Ended up convincing her to stay so I didn't lose social status in the business world. I bring in food tasters from a poor community one town over to keep me safe.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@cpasagnikb You can't reasonably pay people who are enjoying what they're doing. If it's enjoyable work then they can most likely be replaced by people who will do it for less. Capitalism thrives off a healthy race to the bottom in terms of employment.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@business This should come with a hybrid pay system as well. I pay the employees when they're in the office, I don't pay them when they're working from home. It's not work if you're comfortable.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@globeandmail I admire Etsy's willingness to bite the hand that feeds them. All too often our employees forget who their makers really are. Etsy would be thriving without the sellers! They don't need them!

[Management101 @Manage911]

@business Once again "safety" gets in the way of progress. An umbrella pretty much eliminates and "threat" these drones would pose. And any risk is worth the reward. Think of how much aggravation it causes people when they have to wait a day, rather than minutes, for their purchase.

[Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein]

Businesspeople: Greed is good. The pursuit of profit benefits everyone and should be encouraged

[Employees unionize for better pay]

Businesspeople: Wait no not like that

[Management101 @Manage911]

@jljenniferliu I did some research that showed employees would rather have an 8 day work week? Is that being piloted anywhere since there's so much demand for it?

[Management101 @Manage911]

@NewStatesman Well, I'm seeing an inflection on the predicated bonds market, which indicates resistance in negative asset gain futures. This normally precedes me making a shit ton of money. So I guess everything's going great.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@MTM130 Exactly! It's a slippery slope! Next they'll want to eat during the shift. The level of entitlement is just getting insane.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@bonironi 1. Oh you dog you 😂
2. Good idea. That's just supply and demand economics. She'll pay if her livelihood is worth it.
3. Love this. Good dog, come back when you're ready to respect authority.

Won't lie, this is all pretty excellent. May put it in my next management presentation.

[Management101 @Manage911]

Everyone keeps calling me an asshole. Due to multiple undiagnosed social disorders, I proudly believe that this is a sign I'm doing something right.

[Management101 @Manage911]

@ThorstenBolin Don't even get me started on the yacht. I had to get rid of that when they raised the minimum wage in my area from $12.00/hr to $13.14/hr 😢. It's tough out there for job creators right now. Hoping for some sort of bailout package soon.