MarcOnFire @MarcOnFire2 - Twitter Profile

Ghost of Gabe by Marc Hitson My grandson passed away on April 10. It was quite a shock. In the process of healing from that loss, I am slowly seeing some hope for a release from the emotional pain, the self blaming for things I could have done differently. For instance not spending time with the fella, and not realizing what he was experiencing or his despair and personal struggle. Instead I was so busy being retired and doing things for everyone else, being old, napping a lot last winter and so on. I was so proud of that kid. Everywhere I look I see Gabe, things he did for me, am reminded of experiences together, stuff we laughed about. Our personal library of insider jokes and sayings. 25 years of relationship that I personally enjoyed very much, hard times we shared without complaint. The boy was perfect IMO as everyone knows since I bragged a lot. The emotional toll on the family has been atrocious. I struggle to understand what took him to such an end and what I did not understand at the time. I blame - myself a lot. No one else. How could I not know? Some one close to me tried to alert me but I blew it. I know, you can't blame yourself for someone else but you also can't help but wonder and you would have done more if you had another chance. I made a list of things that take my mind to a better place without the constant apparition in my mind, along with the instinctive refusal to let go: I work and get tired so I can sleep peacefully without thinking about him. I was clever and saved some drywall and finish work at my house all winter to start on again now. I listen to music that I like, including Christian hits. (And Ella). I write happy stories about him from better times when he was growing up and excited about everything - that's the way I prefer to remember. and in all those years we have a lot of good times stored away and somehow it makes the tragedy less pervasive. Maybe time passing is helpfull - it's been a month +. I have forgiven the tragedy. I still strive to understand. My priorities have been rearranged. Seriously. I don't deny or resist the Gabe memories that invade my brain several times a day, I just examine them and appreciate him again, feel sad for awhile, and play some good music while working on my place, which all seems to alleviate some of the sadness, which is not really my normal customary emotion. I have been accused of being a hopelessly incurable optimist by those close to me. I don't plan on that ever getting cured. I know that the Devil is my enemy and that he took my grandson away but I still say piss on the Devil. I know from the Apostle John that in the end when God throws the Evil destroyer into hell permanently, the whole world will say, "Is this the worm that caused all the trouble? (in astonishment), so I have no respect for that deranged self serving worm in advance of his deserved demise.

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MarcOnFire

@MarcOnFire2

2 days ago

@Sierra_rak Elon is awesome

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MarcOnFire

@MarcOnFire2

5 days ago

@mcucolo57 No question

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MarcOnFire

@MarcOnFire2

5 days ago

@GOPPollAnalyst I have a beloved grandson, polite and a hard worker who committed suicide while on a drunken binge. He had quit drinking for a few months and started again drinking alone in his apartment.

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