Mark England

Miserable, middle aged coach man.

[💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™ @BigBearF1]

Whoever designed wet wipe packs where you pull one out and four come with it should have been put in charge of ATMs

[Ben Thatchers Elbow @BenThatchers]

I’m fucking dreading my turn to marry Katie Price.

[N Ecc 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 @Neccccy]

Everyone refreshing on X to see if Starmer has resigned 😂

[💫𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸💫🪐 @Demo4fhs]

Interviewer: Can you explain the gap in your CV?
Me: I spent 6 hours formatting it in Google Docs and you opened it in Word.

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@HalimaNyomi

[Fact @Fact]

If you earned $5,000 per hour every day since the birth of Christ, you still wouldn't be as rich as Elon Musk.

[James Harvey @JamesHarvey2503]

Hannah Spencer walking into Parliament tomorrow:

[parks @parkersity_9]

Unfortunately the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services

You can rent it for $2.99 though

[Norm @normAL219]

🚨 UK EMBASSY STAFF TOLD TO LEAVE GORTON & DENTON 🚨

[David @latte147]

People who say their wedding day was the best day ever, have clearly never had two kit kats fall out of a vending machine. 😂

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@DVLAgovuk I need to DM you with a V5 query, can you send me a link please as the message button at the top of your page isn't working for me. Thank you.

[Cllr George Madgwick @GeorgeUK]

Teach YOUR KID the Labour Way of Work and Economics.

Pay them £10 to clean the dishes. Then take £7 off them and give it to the kid next door for doing sod all.

[Lee Hurst @LeeHurstComic]

Do remember this Labour government that wants us all to have Digital ID, that they promise will be secure, just had its entire budget leaked before they announced it.
🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤡

[Alyn McFetridge @themcfet]

"I'm looking for volunteers to do a 12,000ft jump from a chopper".
"No thanks, I've got a fear of heights".
"You'll be tightly strapped to Kelly Brook".
"Oh, ok then..."
#ImACeleb #KellyBrook #Jungle #Chopper

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@LeonardBriscoe3 Your point being?

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

@caroldecker @Keir_Starmer Custard is useful. Half cunt half bastard.

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@jdfranksCU @oxley264 Same time tomorrow Mrs Bell?

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@PlusnetCS WARNING! FRAUD ACCOUNT! THIS IS NOT PLUSNET. THESE PROPLE WILL TRY AND MAKE YOU DOWNLOAD AN APP TO GET YOUR CARD DETAILS. BEWARE! THRY HAVE BEEN REPORTED!

[Mark England @MarkEngland_]

@Plusnet I've sent you a private message but not received any reply yet. How long should I give it before phoning in?