Mark Philip Turner

#L2C5

[Brian Tyler Cohen @briantylercohen]

Trump will release the video evidence of vandals cutting a 350 ft gash in the Reflecting Pool lining when he releases the Epstein files, and proof that the 2020 election was stolen, and evidence that the ICE agents who killed Americans acted in self defense, and

[Tom Nichols @RadioFreeTom]

The sad grampa at the end of the bar, yelling at people over the jukebox while the bartender pretends not to hear him

[Mike Nelson @mikenelson586]

It's important to remind everyone what views Vance held for years and what he looks like without a beard

[Dan Pfeiffer @danpfeiffer]

Stephen Miller appointing himself the arbitrator of masculinity is some wildly delusional shit

[Tim Walz @Tim_Walz]

Found an imaginary problem, said only they could fix it, didn’t listen to experts, hired buddies who grifted millions, failed miserably, bragged how great it went.

The entire Trump presidency in a nutshell.

[Mikey Rocks @SirMichaelRocks]

Do you know how fucked we would be if horses ate meat??

[Evan Sowards @EvanSowards]

This dog ran outside excited as hell and the LAPD shot and killed it. You don’t hate police enough.

[The Bulwark @BulwarkOnline]

.@Timodc on Trump storming out of his interview with Kristen Welker:

"It's unbelievable, honestly, that the American people could put this fucking ass clown in the White House."

[Zito @_Zeets]

Again, he gets graded on a curve. Dude is losing his shit because a reporter pushes back a bit on his lies, and he loses his temper, insults her, and walks out of the interview. And yet, he keeps being presented as a sane and normal person.

[Greg Bagwell @gregbagwell]

The commemoration of the bravery, tragedy and importance of D-Day is not ever the place to try and score cheap political points. What an ignorant and disrespectful dumbass.

[Shea Serrano @SheaSerrano]

“we’re a family here”

bitch no we’re not literally the only reason you hired me is because you think you can make more money if i’m here than if i’m not

[Burgess Everett @burgessev]

Damn vertical skyscraper pool is gonna be dope

[CHUCK INGLISH said it. @Chuckisdope]

CERN turned that collider on right before Obama got elected.

Sept 10th 2008.

Now start thinking how much shit got weirder just a year later.

I think thats when Kanye started to tweak. And KFC began to introduce a bacon sandwich with chicken patties as bread.

[Evan @HollywoodHearn]

I mean this full offense intended, if you’re still supporting Trump in 2026, you’re clinically brain dead. If you’re not getting a no-bid contract, or bailed out of jail by him, or a business owner wtf has he done for you. Like at all?

[Ian Hartitz @Ihartitz]

Parents: "Move out"

Girlfriend: “Quit being such a loser”

Boss: "Work harder"

DraftKings: “This is the one, champ”

[Tim Miller @Timodc]

Totally worth the pain at the pump though considering all the strategic successes: replacing one Ayatollah with his son, sinking a bunch of Iranian ships that were of no threat to us, & murdering 150 girls with a tomahawk missile

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

The New York Knicks are four wins away from their first championship in 53 years and the only thing standing in their way is a 9-foot-tall French Shaolin alien.

[Dan Pfeiffer @danpfeiffer]

Will always wonder how it’s possible that Jared McCain could play in game 7 for the deepest team in the league but couldn’t get minutes from the Sixers in December