Andy Martin

Technology Strategist & Enterprise Architect.
Interested in all things technical and musical!
All views, opinions, and tweets are my own.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@ScotRail #chillin #cold #earlymorning made me chuckle this morning as the train pulled into the station (and no, its not AI)

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

😂

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LGUS @LGUKCare @LGUK 65" OLED TV gives up after 1644 days of use (<5 years old), never buying LG again! Even though you know there's a problem with your power boards in all ranges, you're offering free replacements for selected models only, so fixed it myself for £135.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LloydsBank Yes, shows for me, not my wife. Utterly stupid if this is the case that parents can't manage this together and have to share a login or device.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LloydsBank your "message us" via the app is useless, and your support teams can't seem to help me... I need an answer to how me and my wife can manage my sons account from the banking app, but seems this is impossible apparently... #rubbish

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LloydsBank Spending Account & Savings Account

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@SW_Help Perhaps SWR could cancel the fine, he already had a ticket and had a valid railcard, but had it digitally vs. In person and explained this to the personnel on board. Was issued £50 fine and price of the ticket. Simple simple education and a brief warning would have sufficed.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@SW_Help 3 revenue protection folk, why isn't leniency applied? Old chap sitting near me identified as a veteran, had a digital copy of his snr railcard vs. physical card & got issued a penalty fare (even though he had a ticket), surely simple education would have sufficed here

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@SW_Help 12.47 out of Salisbury back to Waterloo. I'm sure the old chap made a genuine mistake, just felt your team could have dealt with this so much easier than dishing out a penalty fare

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@RoyalMailHelp @RoyalMail Dear Team, are there issues with delivering mail in Lanark and surrounding areas, ML8 4 postcodes? We've had an empty letter box and lack of post for ~2 weeks now, and we were expecting birthday cards in recent days from various family members.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@EE Hey EE, is there a broadband outage in ML8 postcode?

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@walkers_crisps New triple flavour? bus stop, pavement, school "no parking" zig-zags flavour? (Ps. I'm parked in a lay by).

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

#legolandwindsor @LEGOLANDWindsor a fantastic few days with the family. Our two boys had such an amazing time, the rides, the atmosphere, the castle themed hotel and most importantly, the attentive staff throughout the park

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@AvantiWestCoast Looks like one has just departed 64 mins late and is due to motherwell at 17.17?

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@AvantiWestCoast can you advise what is happening with the Glasgow Central trains being held? 16.14 and 16.55 via motherwell, I'm due to travel 16.45 which has apparently now been cancelled and 16.14 hasn't left yet??

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@AvantiWestCoast Travelling to Telford but need to connect via Preston or Wolverhampton.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LNER Massive customer service thanks to 'Paul' in the EDB Waverley ticket travel centre today. 16.30 train cancelled and I had arrived early. More than helpful providing me with a much earlier travel ticket and seat reservation. Awesome work LNER, sadly didn't get his surname.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@LNER My 16.30 service from EDB to KGX is now cancelled tomorrow (11/3), do I have to use the service before or after as neither of these really work for my incoming connection from Central Scotland. My original ticket is an advance for the 16.30.

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@the13thduke Agree

[Andy Martin @MartinAndyAm]

@AvantiWestCoast what a shit show! 17.09 from Euston as a 10 car Voyager, not a Pendolino. No reservations, No coach F so had to grab a seat elsewhere, no 1st class, no shop, delayed by 27 mins and halted at Preston waiting for train crew. Train manager hopeless. #darkages