Matt Butcher

[Brick Cop©️ @Brick_Cop]

To all of our colleagues in Cleveland, the entire Police Family are thinking of you.

To the families, friends, loved ones, colleagues & all who tried to help PC Matthew Blades and PC Tom Clough, you have our deepest & sincere condolences at this terrible time.

#ThinBlueLine 🚨

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@UKCopHumour

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@WhiteHouse

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

https://t.co/QpxzhtX1BV

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

People of Clacton! Show your support for me by putting a bin outside your house, one day this week, of a colour of Tendring Council's choice. This will be unequivocal proof of the success of my campaign.

[Bexxy @Bexxy__19]

UPDATE ON GERALD AND THE CROW SITUATION:

Things have escalated.

I repeat.

THINGS HAVE FUCKING ESCALATED.

For those of you just joining us, yesterday I accidentally entered into diplomatic relations with a gang of crows after Gerald stole my good spoon.

Well.

This morning I walked outside and Gerald was waiting for me.

Alone.

Standing directly in the middle of my driveway.

No screaming.

No hopping around.

Just staring at me like a tiny feathered loan shark who had come to collect.

I said, “Morning, Gerald.”

He tilted his head.

I gave him a walnut.

He did not eat it.

Instead, this motherfucker picked it up, walked three steps to the left, PUT IT DOWN, and stared at me again.

Message received.

The offering was insufficient.

So I went back inside and got more walnuts.

When I returned…

THERE WERE NINE CROWS.

Nine.

Yesterday there were seven.

Gerald is fucking recruiting.

And they were arranged in a SEMICIRCLE.

This isn’t a bird friendship anymore.

I’m funding organized crime.

I distributed the walnuts because apparently I pay protection money now.

Everything seemed fine until one of the smaller crows tried taking two.

Gerald immediately screamed at him.

The little one dropped the second walnut.

I have accidentally created an economy.

Gerald controls distribution.

There’s a hierarchy.

There are consequences.

I’m pretty sure I witnessed a disciplinary hearing before breakfast.

Then Gerald flew away.

I thought we were done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

Twenty minutes later I looked outside and there was something sitting where Gerald had been standing.

A bottle cap.

A shiny rock.

And…

MY FUCKING SPOON.

HE RETURNED THE SPOON.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I believe we have successfully negotiated a trade agreement.

Unfortunately, there is now a crow sitting on my mailbox.

So I still cannot get my fucking mail.

I tried approaching.

He puffed up.

I backed away.

That mailbox belongs to the organization now.

At this point I’m just a tenant.

Anyway, Gerald has officially been promoted to General Gerald, Commander of the Driveway, First of His Name, Keeper of the Good Spoon, Lord of the Power Line, Collector of Walnuts, and Regional Manager of Whatever The Fuck Is Happening Here.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

But if I suddenly stop posting…

Gerald found out I told you.

[Brick Cop©️ @Brick_Cop]

There’s still nothing in concrete from the government, just random outbursts of “it’ll be worked out.” 👀

So on we go. Over a Million for sure and on and on until this is resolved.

But an important question in the mean time. Has your Chief Constable signed it?

#ThinBlueLine 🚨

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@toniwriter 🤣

[BBC News (World) @BBCWorld]

TikTok says staff in China can access UK and EU user data https://t.co/F1N3fkcPNg

[South Essex Wildlife Hospital @SEWH]

Thank you to everyone who has donated, this is a massive help ! 🥰

Our new seal unit is not yet finished but we have already filled it with 17 pups needing veterinary attention . Some of the piniped patients are very poorly and its a full time job for two people to care for them

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

Vote for South Essex Wildlife Hospital to share in £500,000 in grants from MyGivingCircle https://t.co/zagFotwOmF

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@toniwriter Everything tastes better that way😊

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Maru. He can do tongue tricks. They are like party tricks, but it's his tongue. 14/10

[The Standard @theLDNstandard]

A study found that over 21 per cent of employees do not feel comfortable enough to talk to their employer about their mental health https://t.co/bX0jrq2P3G

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@simonharris_mbd

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@CrimeGirI

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@toniwriter Totally agree with you. This is very worrying

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@toniwriter Star shaped sprinkles for the win!

[Sean @shornKOOMINS]

Hate to have to do this, but I just lost the bulk of my work; from a business that never recovered after covid. Great timing.

So if anyone needs a freelance social media guy or content writer (web copy + press releases, newsletters, blogs, that sort of thing) pls get in touch!😬

[Matt Butcher @MattBut12841725]

@toniwriter Intuition, or frame of reference formed from xx amount of experience?