Matt_Fat

Follow me or I’ll smooch you

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Germany never won a World War so I’m not surprised they didn’t advance in the World Cup

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@FreddyLA7 @FreddyLA7 stop in New Haven and eat some pizza my German brother

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@mattwritesbooks the Korean guy was not too happy when I went in and asked for a hand job

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@Huggies I think I found your new spokesbaby

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Being rich and getting Bjs everyday is the goal

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Hope my wife goes down on me like the stock market today

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@Shanemgillis @mattwritesbooks can you dawgs support my noble mission?

https://t.co/YqQQw4tNLO

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

https://t.co/YqQQw4tfWg

#charity #help #drugs

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Loyal toes over unfaithful hoes #wisdom #gospel

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@mattwritesbooks Shaman. Hello. Will playing the flute encourage my wife to give me more BJs? Like a 432zh, toe curling bj. Maybe a cobra pops out mid bj. Random Indian guy runs in. I lose the boner. Indian guy bangs my wife. Never mind. I won't play the flute.

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Alcohol doesn't evenmake Tom Brady funny #nfl #SuperBowl

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

I want the EA Sports guy to narrate my sex life

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Bad Bunny song come on and now I'm trying to eat Quenepas off my wife's naked body later

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@mattwritesbooks Trying to lock my wife into 72 HJs. Retroactively. Thanks Shaman

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@notlouisck Work in a 911 center. Everyday you hear something new and completely fucking nuts

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

The only reason I can think all of those UAPs are going to Jersey is TheSopranos just made it to whatever planet they are from#UAP #alien #ufo #UAPTwitter

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

Feel like @Cobratate might pop out and tell me I'm a weak bitch

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@ChrisMurphyCT @SenBlumenthal @jahimes Hello. Connecticut resident here. Father of a 10 year old, 7 year old & a 7 month old. Can you please not let us get into WW3 with Russia?

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

@bertkreischer Bananas in Pajamas

[Matt_Fat @MattFat7]

I just read about all of these people who were blown up by beepers..

That's a blast from the past

#comedy