Matt Shelton

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy A woman of independent whelk!

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy The idea is to prove them wrong to make them feel bad about themselves

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

True

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy Imagine there’s no Bordeaux, it’s easy if you try

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy maybe they’re too lazy to learn how say it?

[Drivelcast @drivelcast]

#ENGSUI Switzerland's manager is understandably anxious, because if they lose this match, the knives will be out. And the corkscrews. And the screwdrivers. And the nail-files. And the toothpicks. And the little pliers. And the wire-strippers. And the bottle-openers. And the sciss

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@maxrushden Is there any room inside the pub

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@AthleticoMince @RealBobMortimer Hi Bob. Sign up for this magazine and scroll through. You won’t believe your pies

https://t.co/FHHqSSrnqh

[Unnamed Insider @Unnamedinsider]

“Tell Jabba I’ve got his money”

[Jon Cooper 🇺🇸 @joncoopertweets]

OMG — you gotta watch this!!! 🤪🤪🤪
#CuckooTrump
https://t.co/xTrWb8yUyP

[AM @Andr6wMale]

"September I turned on the heating for the very first time/Now it's on again/It's June."

[Florence Lox 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @floboflo]

' You've just reminded me. I must buy some stamps'.

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy Pump up the Gran

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@CricketErik over the shoulders?

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@CricketErik it really comes down to who has the nicest outfits

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@CricketErik Some of them have hands. Giant hands. Made of foam. Bigger hands than we can deal with but I can stick all of those hands up my ass and make the coal mines work again with real jobs for people that don’t have foam hands, or even access to foam, unless it’s shaving foam

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy Neat vodka is best from the freezer in a stemmed glass. Just sayin.

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@YesMissMurphy 9 tins of Tuna in Spring Water

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@jdomito_ 🍔

[Matt Shelton @MattShelts]

@CricketErik is that you with the moustache?