Mettttal

AND THE GODS MADE HEAVY METAL, AND THEY SAW THAT IT WAS GOOOOOD!

[Dale McPeek @DaleMcpeek]

I would take responsibility for my actions but that just seems selfish.

[donni saphire @donni]

Only one out of ten baby showers survives into adulthood

[donni saphire @donni]

"My sleep number is 21!" I tell the blackjack dealer, anticipating a HUGE laugh

[Julia DeLois @jdelwoo]

first night back at my parents' house and my after hours eating game is already off the chain

[Calico tTaco Graves @TheMidnightAce]

How to tell if your bathwater is too hot; you remove your test foot and it comes out hairless.

[donni saphire @donni]

Undying Fears:
- Love is a lie
- Your friends are secret enemies
- Your enemies plot your doom
- Math homework

[Julia DeLois @jdelwoo]

so excited for family thanksgiving I could just slit my wrists

[donni saphire @donni]

I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL / ALL MY SEXUAL EXPERIENCES HAVE BEEN WITH ANIMALS / IT'S THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW / SOMETHING CLOSER TO GOD

[Julia DeLois @jdelwoo]

I don't think the midterm "raped" you, bro, I think you're just a huge ignorant fucking douchebag

[donni saphire @donni]

I wish my tweets could delete me.

[donni saphire @donni]

You'll never do lunch in this town again. Sex with food is a crime. In this town only. Now you know, food fucker! Take it anywhere else!

[donni saphire @donni]

Still keep an emergency zebra in the shed

[craig 🥐 @toujoursyucky]

Life is just a bitter break from eternal nothingness. Totally psyched about this pancake breakfast. But after that, sorrow.

[donni saphire @donni]

Ever hear a weird sound and think "Maybe that's the sound everyone hears before they die and we don't know cuz no one who hears it survives"

[donni saphire @donni]

Sold my money for riches

[donni saphire @donni]

The cool is coming from INSIDE the Fonz

[donni saphire @donni]

Anyone got like 6 tacos or 2 pancakes I can borrow

[donni saphire @donni]

I am where potential comes to die

[donni saphire @donni]

Gonna start calling donuts "dognuts" and act real confused when people correct me

[donni saphire @donni]

Allow me to reintroduce my MILF