MichaelTrying

Perfecting the art of minding my own business. Nodding when crazy people talk is not endorsement.

[MichaelTrying @MichaelTrying]

One day I'd like to try out an intended consequence.

[MichaelTrying @MichaelTrying]

@NOLAJake The Queen trade will always have been bad process, but he looks promising. How far do the Pels have to fall in the draft for it to look like maybe they got the better player after all.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

[doing curls with a Whopper in Burger King] *turns to lady behind me* It's a double

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Got shoved in a locker at the gym again for calling the four dudes on the treadmills 'bro-etry in motion'.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

I told my kid if he plays my drums again there will be repercussions

And send

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

One time my wife bought some white lawn fertilizer so I called it 'growcaine' and then my mother in law tried to drown me in the toilet.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

WIFE: I saw a couch I really like in IKEA

ME: Can we affjord it

HER: Get out.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

The most badass piece of graffiti I ever saw said “Fuck Airbnb”

[SpacedMom @copymama]

School mornings are so sweet, I put my kids’ lunches in their backpacks, tell them I love them, hand them their obscenely large Stanley water buckets and send them on their way.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

I have a friend I text with twice a year on our birthdays, and both times we say we miss each other and should get together soon and sincerely mean it, and then never actually get together and it’s the best.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

Oh, your man sends you flirty texts? Big deal, my phone gets blown up all day with login verification codes and doctor’s appointment reminders.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

*Tells my mom and mother-in-law a piece of news about my 14yo daughter*
14: OMG CAN YOU NOT TELL THE ENTIRE BLOODLINE???

[SpacedMom @copymama]

Me: Ugh, look at how obnoxious this Facebook post is. It’s just an excuse to brag, their marriage probably isn’t even that happy.
Also me: *hearts post*

[SpacedMom @copymama]

When random strangers ask if my daughter got her red hair from the mailman, I find it very offensive. Like first of all, our mailman isn’t even attractive.

[MichaelTrying @MichaelTrying]

@IAPolls2022 @NateSilver538

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

[wife comes home to se me wearing cooked spaghetti on my head] I'm a pastafarian Sharon

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Why did they call them voice notes and not earmail