Hank Mardukas

5th Grade Spelling Bee Champ

[Variety @Variety]

At no point has the Trump presidency more closely resembled a scene out of “Idiocracy,” Mike Judge’s 2006 satire about a Philistine society that abhors intellectualism, than on Sunday night, as the White House played host to UFC Freedom 250.

The event was ostensibly meant to commemorate the 250th birthday of America, but really to honor the 80th birthday of President Donald J. Trump, a man whose thirst for adulation and public spectacle will never be quenched.

Read the full column from @MarlowNYC: https://t.co/PcD9ui6jjr

[Tim Miller @Timodc]

“Michelle Obama is a man” shouted on the White House lawn in a ring sponsored by Bud Light only available on Larry Ellison’s Paramount Plus. What a way to celebrate America 250 and the twilight of liberal democracy.

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@ESPNNBA Is he alive?

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@Des56433 @CrossingBroad ☠️☠️☠️ back Philly BACK

[President-Elect Toguro @PresidentToguro]

Dennis Rodman would go party in Vegas, take enough cocaine to kill a bear, drink copious amounts of alcohol and them fly back to an nba finals game and lock up Karl Malone.

This guy drinks a glass of wine and can't podcast for 3 days

[Keith Edwards @keithedwards]

is there a dementia that turns you gay

[Brian 🇲🇽🇧🇷 @_Braizen]

Friendly reminder that on November 23rd, 2024, Jaxson Dart threw an interception vs Florida to seal the game, cried about it on the sideline, had the play overturned, then came back on the field with tears in his eyes to throw another one and cried some more

[Lucas Navarrete @LucasNavarreteM]

Single-handedly ruining the game of basketball. Truly a disgrace to the sport.

[Justin Thomas @JustinThomas34]

What an awesome week at Aronimink @PGAChampionship. Although it didn’t go exactly how I wanted, it sure was nice to post a number early yesterday to give myself a chance. Hats off to Aaron Rai with some insanely clutch shots down the stretch.

I was so impressed with the course - how it managed to test both our discipline and precision all week. It begged us to challenge pins and play aggressively, and we found out early we’d be punished if we didn’t execute. Which in my opinion, are just as major championships should be

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

When I’m eating shared nachos I’m always thinking 3 nacho moves ahead of my opponent.

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@Daniel_Rapaport Awwww, so sowwy, Wowy!!!

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@Des56433 @johnnyginkle_76 BRUH!!

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@LoganPaul @jakepaul In the running already for gayest post of the year

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@BauerOutage Because you’re a fucking loser

[moose 🐦‍🔥 @usermooseontwt]

two unskippable ads

[Sam Block @theblockspot]

Sixers in 2018… 2nd Rd L
Sixers in 2019… 2nd Rd L
Sixers in 2020… 1st Rd L
Sixers in 2021… 2nd Rd L
Sixers in 2022… 2nd Rd L
Sixers in 2023… 2nd Rd L
Sixers in 2024… 1st Rd L
Sixers in 2025… No Playoffs
Sixers in 2026… Down 0-3 in 2nd Rd

This is getting old.

[Hank Mardukas @Mistah_305]

@vinaykillawala Who thought it was a good idea to give this loser Draymond a platform?

[Lexi 🏴‍☠️ @GoBlueLexi117]

If you whined and cried about the SB halftime show, I better not see you lifting your fucking margarita while eating a taco today. Fuck you. 😂

[Lazzyyyyyy @em_Lazzy]

Gas prices are at crazy levels-fire TRUMP!!