Lauren Ashley

Welcome to my page. No one can hear you scream from here. *** Some of my tweets:

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

⚡️ “Some of my tweets” by @Mix_With_Vodka https://t.co/PlhK9F3qTT
This is how bored I am…

[Ginga Snappa @GingaSnapppa]

Lots of us suffer in silence.

You should try it.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Diamonds are a girls best friend?

You can’t even snort those!

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Him: I can’t tell if you’re being cute and joking or seriously calling me an idiot…?

Me: The latter. I’ll give you a minute to look up what that means.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

It’s true what they say. You never know a good thing until it's gone...

I miss quarantine SO MUCH

[NakedSuperman @Naked_Superman]

If you ever find yourself being attacked by elderly women, just throw a handful of buttons on the floor.

Old bitches love buttons.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Do or do not. There is no...

scenario where I give a fuck.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

People are like water.

Transparent, tasteless and I’ll always choose vodka instead.

[cathryn 💚🇨🇦 @AngryRaccoon2]

Them: "Live in the moment!"

Me: "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MOMENT?"

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Oh, you organized your entire house?

That’s cool. I haven’t showered in a week.

[Fickle Filly @Fickle_Filly]

Humans: This sucks.

Dogs: WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

@damnfinetweet @jellybnbonanza Aww, thank you! I’m glad you are enjoying my descent into madness... it’s only going to get worse from here 🙃

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Quarantine Day 18:

I mean, I guess I could try meth once.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

No fucking thank you Zoom, Skype or FaceTime.

The world may be social distancing, but I’m still anti-social.

[Anthony McHats @TheHatStore]

doctor: I'm going to take out your appendix

me: oh okay *shouts at my belly* YOU HAVE A SUITOR

[A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut]

Most grocery stores: A lot of shoppers wearing masks and gloves.

Wal-Mart: 10 shoppers with no pants on.

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Me: Don’t touch me!

Him: Oh right, because of the social distancing

Me: No, because you’re ugly

[Lauren Ashley @Mix_With_Vodka]

Let’s start eating Tide Pods again

[Trey @treydayway]

Wish I had an Irish accent. A black dude with an Irish accent would get shit done