Patrick Murphy

Laughing in the darkness

[Patrick Murphy @MrDidius]

@qdoba I ordered two identical bowls via delivery, and this is what I received. WTH?

[Clara Elena García, Author 🇵🇾 @ClaraElenaDice]

Geese 🙅🏻‍♀️

[Thought Provoking Berserker ⚛️🦍🦅 @Provokethoughtz]

Good morning 🌄👀😊

[Cooper Lawrence @CooperLawrence]

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now

[Chase Mitchell @ChaseMit]

Yeah let's kick some kids' and teachers' asses for being upset about this

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

Called in, "The toe seam on one of my socks is crooked and I can't work like this."

[Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich]

never forget that Donald Trump wanted to invite the Taliban over to Camp David for a terrorist sleepover on 9/11 and when John Bolton said that was the stupidest fucking bullshit he'd ever heard in his life, Trump fired Bolton

[Rebekah Jones @GeoRebekah]

Ashton Kutcher started fooling around with/grooming Mila Kunis, now his wife, when he was 19 and she was 14.

That age difference may not seem like much now that they're in their 40s, but back then that's like a college sophomore screwing around with a high school freshman.

The pair wrote letters supporting a convicted serial rapist AFTER he was convicted to ask the judge for a lighter sentence, noting how he hated doing drugs (he drugged his victims).

Scientology is a cult and criminal enterprise that has been covering abuse and sex crimes for decades (not that other religions don't do that, too).

The entire story is gross.

I'm happy the victims found justice.

[Patrick Murphy @MrDidius]

@PapaJohns my online order shows it was delivered over 30 minutes ago, but no one has showed up and there's no pizza outside my door. I tried calling the store, pressed 5 to speak to someone, and the call rang for a while and then disconnected. WTH?

[Patrick Murphy @MrDidius]

@hopeygilmore Colorado: yes, but it's on the honor system. There's no scale at the DMV, thank God.

[Middle Age Riot @middleageriot]

The Trump indictment is like the Bible: Republicans haven't read it, but still pretend to know what it means.

[cathryn 💚🇨🇦 @AngryRaccoon2]

The only way I'm gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

A lot of people frown on demon possession, but then can’t name a quicker way to learn Latin.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

A reminder that an ‘empleomaniac’ is someone desperate to hold on to power, no matter what the cost.

[Zachs That Go Hard @ZachBroussard]

Ever hear about an old couples who dies a few weeks apart because of how much they loved each other? That’s what happened with Coolio and the queen