Bilbo Swaggins

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."

Brewer, freelance philosopher, surfer & good times expert.

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

I really hope they're getting the "Mission Accomplished" banner out of storage right now

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

@ColinJokes He has resin indeed

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

What's everyone think the #hashtag is for tomorrow's megaholiday? I'm thinking #joints4jesus

That or "on the third day, he got faded."

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

How has Elon been talking about eliminating waste and fraud and all that, and this fool hasn't mentioned the DMV one good-god-damn time?

That's how you know this some bull

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Done it it again

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Haiku #4
Sand sits peacefully
Under the watchful eye of
A transient moon.

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Haiku #3
Heavy falling night,
Silence fills in through cracks.
How will you catch it?

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Haiku #2
Beauty finds a way;
Some flowers bloom in the field,
Others through concrete.

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

I'm not sure why I still exist on Twitter, maybe it's to share these random haikus I've written:

Haiku #1
In a modest room,
The wind speaks a simple truth,
The pane cannot hold.

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

"We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane." - Kilgore Trout

[Cody Wimmer @Cody_Wimmer]

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin???

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Ever think about who's having the better solo career, ketchup or mustard? I feel like Jordan is mustard here

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

@DougJBalloon This one is so spot on that it hurts. The intention to detail is chef's kiss

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

@DougJBalloon Mobb Deepstate or OutKrap

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Mobb Deepstate or OutKrap

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Name this hip-hop duo

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

RIP Kris. To all those who wanted country music to be some lame ass flag-waving false patriot shit, Kris Kristofferson and his ilk were always a middle finger to that notion

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

Man I hope these Diddy Tapes don't get Ma$e arrested for nothin' domestic.

[Brendan Fraser Crane @bf_crane]

Has a real claim to being the funniest 90 seconds of comedy in a row

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

This tweet wins for tonight

[Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned]

Every day, Mark Wahlberg goes to bed at the same hour as a kindergartener, wakes up in the dead of night, and works out six to eight times, maintaining peak physical performance in order to make the worst dogshit movies you've seen in your life

[Bilbo Swaggins @NickJiorle]

@KameronMazurek Has anyone checked if this wasn't just just Chris Lilley doing a bit?