NO, Ashley, NO.

Just for laughs.

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

Getting haircuts from people you know is weird because they massage your head & you have to imagine what kind of lover they are

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

If you ever want to kill your self and make it look like an accident, eat a bosco stick in a dark locked room

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

@Chicago_Scanner what was the loud explosion near the 606 near
Wabansia and kimball?

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

@BurgerKing what insane things are in your #spicychking sandwich to make it 1400 calories? Butter injections? I’m distraught

[𝓶♡ @Love_bug1016]

i was going to be a bad bitch today, but the tired bitch in me said no

[Avogadro’s House of Moles @schumoo]

I need someone to take me out, literally or figuratively, doesn't matter

[The Eh Factor 🇨🇦 @AngeLaBambaaaa]

Get you a man who responds to every text that contains 3 separate conversations.

[Just Bill @WilliamAder]

I'm going to smoke one more pack of cigarettes and then I have to go to bed.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Hold me.

[sio @bestinsio]

I’ve never felt insecure. what would I possibly be insecure about? one of my many flaws? sounds exhausting

[Burning Mom ⚡️ @MomOnFire]

Hi. The Agency sent me to kill the vibe.

[beth @bethbourdon]

challenge accepted. see you in the octagon.

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

The game Twister was invented just to prepare me for this rare moment where I’m enjoying both freshly washed bedding & flamin’ hot cheetos at the same time.

[NO, Ashley, NO. @NoAshleyNoo]

Dear Pedialyte, please make your packaging easier to open. Your salty juice water does not need to be childproof or drunkproof. Know your audience.

[issajokebro @Alitauqeeraslam]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but whatever you’re going through it’s your fault

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

Hey kids! Wanna kill that nagging feeling of being deathly afraid of everything right now? We gotchu

Arbys is proud to announce a limited time offer. Derek is gonna be selling his grandma’s Oxys out by the dumpsters 9-4 every day until she dies

Please continue to eat Arby’s