maybe: ur mom

...why you snoopin

[maybe: ur mom @NotPoliticsman]

I wish I could throw eggs at people without consequences

[maybe: ur mom @NotPoliticsman]

My tiktok feed is basically just spongebob episodes

[the killer @deadbodyonline]

i have so so so much love in my heart but only 3 texts back per day. in total

[Alyssa 🌻 @alyssaleann]

A photographer I follow on Instagram has put together that his bronzer use amps up when he’s stressed / close to an election and is tied to his days in the rise of reality tv, and it’s fascinating

(More screenshots in replies)

[optimusprime @earth_to_annaa]

on da cob, we all corn

[charlie @chunkbardey]

looking at old to do lists like wow. i did not do any of that stuff

[The Associated Press @AP]

Grazer beats the behemoth that killed her cub to win Alaska's Fat Bear Contest https://t.co/jMD758Ai4Q

[Kharg Island Margaritaville @canderaid]

as a lib the worst part of controlling the hurricanes is you still have to send 95% of them at random caribbean islands or the yucatan or wherever to keep up the ruse that theyre natural. now the tornado machine, you can really go wild on conservatives with that thing

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

When I suddenly hear my name in a Zoom meeting that I totally have not been paying attention to

[beep @beepbat]

No silence hits like this silence

[Isabel Steckel @IsabelSteckel]

when the TSA agent makes sure my passport photo is me

[Going @goingtweets]

How I look at the flight attendant during snack time so they know I’m awake and would like a cookie

[meghan @deloisivete]

I did not realize how much of my adult life would be spent thinking about protein

[The Love Sav Seeks is in the Valley of the Soul @savthorpecap]

It is my deepest belief that it’s your duty as an American to just like Go To Stuff. Any stuff. Art fair. Food truck festival. Weird one woman show. Ice cream store. Minor league baseball. Movies. Community is an action! It’s something you have to do! Give it a whirl!

[Lukas Battle @lukasbattle]

The citizens of zootopia are being feasted on

[onion person @CantEverDie]

perhaps one of the creepiest posts of all time

[bella ☁️🩷 @a90strend]

taylor swift heard people were eating cats & she stood tf up

[Populism Updates @PopulismUpdates]

I strongly believe that only some form of heavenly intervention or divine inspiration can produce a tweet like this