Not You Again.

Just my back up trying something new

[Not You Again. @NotYouAgain66]

My kid asked me what my childhood was like so I took the batteries out of the remote and had him change channels by hand the rest of the night.

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

Before coffee: Hate mornings...
After Coffee: Feel good about hating mornings

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

I told myself I should stop drinking...

But I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Question of the day:

Have you ever counted your steps while walking?

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

Growing up makes you abandon magic. Maturing makes you rediscover it. ✨

“Someday you'll be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” — C.S. Lewis.

Have you reached this stage yet?

[ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ @iGreenGod]

I hate people who talk behind my back.

They discussed me.

[ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat]

It’s called Karma.

And it’s pronounced ‘Ha ha fuck you”.

[Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 @RussRoth4]

Help chip in, they asked

Me: avoids lips, settles on tongue (crunch crunch) *thumbs up*

[Not You Again. @NotYouAgain66]

Hey can you tone it down a little that flaming skull bumper sticker is scaring me

[Darla @ddsmidt]

Our first two dogs were planned, the third one was an accident.

[Ganja Lilly @PureGanja1]

Today feels like a pizza kind of day.

[Ganja Lilly @PureGanja1]

"Go-go gadget masturbation hand".

[OneToothTe𝕏an @OneToothTeXan]

Muted the letters "AI" and now my Twitter feed is black.

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

Not all heroes wear capes, some have fur and purr a lot

[Not You Again. @NotYouAgain66]

Let me just stare off into space and go blank about it for awhile

[Mr.Carter @dexteristwisted]

How about we take this to the bedroom

I whispered to my dessert snacks

[Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 @RussRoth4]

See something think something

[Forward March @RunOldMan]

Women always notice me . . . . then they pull their purses in tight.

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

Tonight we’ll be having beef bourguignon

*sloshes red wine into a pan of Hamburger Helper*

[Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch]

I don't trust people who don't talk to themselves.... 

I know right!