Notwork Fail

We couldn't give a hoots about the national railway. Complaints welcome but don't expect any action (other than a sarcastic reply) as we're off the rails.

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@Se_Railway Oh dear lord, trains with intermittent brakes? - I know their computers like to say no but the brake pads too?

Well here's an idea.. might break a few sleepers but a chain and a big anchor from the back of the train will stop that bad boy

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@Se_Railway In our day we'd have you out over the platform with hair driers melting all the ice away. You lot now have access to salt bins and push along sprayers and you think it's hard graft?

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@railcamlive @LNER Holy crap, you've not seen our lads at the side of the track using ballast to play conkers have you? - Don't want them getting in trouble so if you keep quiet we'll give them a pay rise for their hard work

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@sassy_social @SouthWestLoco @swtrains_watch oh hey sorry i'm late, can i apply? i have a reliable and timely work attitude like the rest of the railway staff (as standard) and i always do a great job of a bad job.

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

Wow, we just woke up from an extended skiive (like all railway staff) and found 56 notifications waiting for us. Damn it..

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@itvmeridian @marshlinktrains "The project aims to 1,300 homes including those for harbour workers."

Do you mean build by any chance?

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@itvmeridian @marshlinktrains Like that'll make any flaming difference.

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@SW_SouthWestern @SEG3142 Those were the days, trains made of 12 carriages were common over my way - great fun to look out the window at one end and see the other!

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@BTPWestYorks @northernassist @BingleyFestival Sorry all, we sent Ronald off to put 50p in the meter but he stopped off for a cheeseburger instead

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@Kent_999s @SEG3142 We'll employ that man - with so many red signal failures over the years he'll do a good job next time the pikeys nick the cables

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@EurostarUK @Se_Railway Is that for the economic immigrants or is the offer open to everyone?

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@TheLTDA @thegingerpig Uber? They were't trying to offer some sort of convenience were they? The bar stewards. How dare they.

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@northernassist can't we just say permanently? - that will completely quash the hopes of passengers

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@ColinPrimeMoore @SouthernRailOK Ah yeah well see sometimes we forget to stick 50p in the meter to turn on the leccy. Last week our backup (Gerry the hamster) died too.

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@ColinPrimeMoore @SouthernRailOK and for once we can't take the blame!

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@NSE_Latchmere yeah that connex livery is disgusting. Someone should hang for treason

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@NSE_Latchmere I'd love to see a real set of those running again on the main line...

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@BadSouthernRail we're just dossing.. who needs track maintenance anyway?

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@MSJKirkham @NSE_Latchmere Stunning.. but when will SOMEBODY PLEASE bring back the NSE livery???

[Notwork Fail @NotworkFail_UK]

@E7Drew @RidingtheGoblin Yeah a load of old rusty ones that i pulled out of various BR carriages that were being scrapped. Bit bent too but they'll do