Office Dolt 🇺🇸

I back into parking spots and don't care if you put pineapple on Pizza

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

I drink wine for the heart health
I drink bourbon for the mental health

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4553 days till retirement

[Jay Kay @Swoosh61]

(drinking a glass of water between my 5th and 6th beer)

Me: ya, I'm kind of a health nut

[ugh ™ @oconeebuildr]

her: *swings and misses* strike one

me: honey, this is golf not baseball

her: 😡☹️

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4555 days till retirement

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Who wants to invite me over to their pool...

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4559 days till retirement

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

@GrnMtnbear 6? With your winters? That's pretty good. I got 4 out of my last one

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4562 days till retirement

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4563 days till retirement

[ugh ™ @oconeebuildr]

when i see a couple chatting in the paint section at home depot i’ll wager her backup boyfriend will be getting a call later

[Stewnami @stewnami]

Pizza should be free when I’m depressed

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

To answer your question, "because people are stupid"

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4566 days till retirement

[simon 🦦 (elf/shelf) @SelfLoathingYou]

stop worrying about double or triple texting. if they like you, they will be over the moon when they see those multiple notifications fly in. they'll feel amazing!

and if they already don't like you, it's not like being a needy gross dork-ass loser is going to change anything.

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4567 days till retirement

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4568 days till retirement

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

Only 4570 days till retirement

[YouLookLikeAMom @youlooklikeamom]

The Golf Marshall when he sees how slow I am 🌝

[Office Dolt 🇺🇸 @Office_Dolt]

@Avabelly__ Barkeeper's Friend and elbow grease

[Stewnami @stewnami]

Didn’t order the pizza I wanted, I ordered the pizza I deserved