Puzzled_Pastor

A Perplexed and Puzzled Pastor

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

THEM: Pastor we are planning to leave this church. Our "felt needs" aren't being met.

ME: Didn't know that was the criteria. Honey, pack our bags.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor A bigger Bible but never preach from it (unless the passage is used out of context to promise abundant blessings on those who give to the pastor’s private fund).

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@NurseryAngry Sounds about right.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@NurseryAngry Squidward

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@Hisglorygirl @Acts5_29 True!

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

My Top 5 reasons people are NOT returning to physical church (my opinion):

5. Online service is too comfortable.
4. No accountability with online.
3. People were told, “watching online was legitimate for 2 years.”
2. They have actually left your church.
1. They don’t like you.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@AdamPage85 FINALLY! A man of GOD who didn’t believe a larger church opportunity meant it was definitely God’s will for him to leave and go.

May your tribe increase!

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@ImJimR87 I prefer soured myself. Matches my personality.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@LloydLegalist Double gross! You’re killing me.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@LloydLegalist So gross!

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@andrew_vuksic It’s the “inventors of evil” that get me every time I read that passage.

Just when you thought you’ve heard and seen all the evil you can handle, you find that Jeff is in his mother’s basement inventing more.

“Come Lord Jesus! Come!”

I apologize to all the Jeff’s out there.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor It’s a remake of the same movie over and over. I already know the ending. But because there are different actors, I keep thinking “this might be different.” How foolish of me.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor Awww. It’s like you never left.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@Hisglorygirl Just cut his hair and yell “The Philistines are upon you.” He’ll be putty in your hands.

Just don’t gorge out his eyes. You’ll have bigger problems.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor It’s frustrating to spend so much time preparing, studying, counseling and caring for people who don’t really care about growing in the Lord.

Honestly, I don’t really know why some of them attend our church. Even when I preach they look disinterested.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor It’s the small adjustments that make all the difference in the world.

“It’s not that the ones that did come fell asleep. It’s that my calm soothing voice put them in a relaxed state of mind.”

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

Them: Hey Pastor, what passage of scripture will you be preaching on this Sunday? I want to read it ahead of time so I can be prepared to criticize your message.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@FailingPastor They were actually my fault before I got there.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

THEM: Pastor, I wish the Apostle Paul wrote about the social ills of today.

ME: You mean like “ Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God?”…

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

@KenRichter1992 Equal opportunity offender. The best kind.

[Puzzled_Pastor @PastorPuzzled]

Them: Pastor, why haven’t you been banned from social media yet? You must not be saying anything significant.

Me: Why ban me when nobody listens, watches or cares.