Paul Garbutt

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

'Sweet Dreams' by Eurythmics was released closer to the end of the Second World War than to today.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Priceless NFT Artwork Vandalized With Spray Paint Tool https://t.co/e9xbOCZXX6

[John Lewis & Partners @JohnLewisRetail]

Good thing we have a recycling service for old pre-loved furniture 🛋🚫👋

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“I hope this email finds you well”

Nope, it finds me bored, confused, tired, exasperated, hungry, lost and irritable... what do you want?

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“It’s a bloody nightmare”
Meaning: Something is proving a mild inconvenience; typically used to describe slightly heavy traffic, or the internet not working

“It’s not ideal”
Meaning: Something terrible has happened and life is almost certainly ruined

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

March is no longer a month, it has been reclassified as an era

[Peter Shankman @petershankman]

When the #quarantine is over, I want to buy this man dinner. Who is he? This might be the best thing I've seen in weeks.

[Matt Chorley @MattChorley]

No sand paper. The toilet roll shortage has taken a dark turn

[Adrian Edmondson ❎ @AdrianEdmondson]

Still, might be better than 1632. 10 people died of 'Cancer and wolf'.... 'Cancer AND wolf'... heck of a way to go. A close second to the single person who died of 'piles'.

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?

Hello?

No one"

*opens door, sees card, reads card: While you were out… please collect rest of joke from post office …*

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

“I thought we might get pizza tonight” - Translation: We will be getting pizza tonight, I’ve been thinking about pizza all day, there is no discussion to be had, the decision is made, the wheels are in motion, the people (me) have spoken

[Irina Velkova @nezemna]

Companies are leveraging RegTech to improve compliance, promote innovation and stimulate growth. Please do get in touch if you want to find out how you can do the same https://t.co/DgpWRepLX9 #regtech #youcan #improve #compliance #please #digitaltransformation #fintech

[Irina Velkova @nezemna]

Tonight we announced the winners of our inaugural Grant Thornton CLIX awards, aiming at recognising the amazing efforts organisations are making to improve customer experience. One of the special categories was this for ‘purpose’ won by @monzo and awarded by @robertkhannah

[Jenn Barnett @JennBarnett27]

Very pleased to see our efforts in D&I have been recognised by the FT Diversity Leaders ranking.

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

It pays to be organised in life. For example, I put all the really important stuff that needs action on a To Do list and when I check back six months later I find most of it is no longer important.

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

“My dolphin has been thrown out of his ballet classes”
“Why?”
“Poor poise”

[Colin Brazier @ColinBrazierTV]

From this week’s Spectator.