Octopus Pete

Ask me about my tentacles.

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

I put hot sauce in my ramen so now it tastes like spicy poverty

[greg lasso @gregside]

CNN: Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg...

me *sweating*: oh god oh no oh fuck

CNN: ...is recovering after being treated for pancreatic cancer.

me:

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

i really thought eating yellow snow would be a bigger problem in my life

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

Donating to wikipedia automatically gets you into heaven

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

A Man Sticks A Fork In An Outlet... What Happens Next Will Shock Him!

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

what app do i download to be happy

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@antti_nannimus Talk to your local beekeeper

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

don’t listen to me i’m just a fuckin octopus

[Spaced Oddity 🪐 @living_DEDgirl]

The only way people will say “she died doing what she loved” about me, is if I die in my sleep.

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@alllegs3 i think my window of opportunity has passed.

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

girl: *talks to me*

my brain: don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it
don’t say it

me: i love you

[broth @brothieboy]

doing fortnite dances in the club

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@M3g4d37h did you warn them about 9/11?

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

I put hot sauce in my ramen so now it tastes like spicy poverty

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

“you’re ruining my fucking life,” i scream into the mirror.

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@Skot69 @sheseemslegit I really hope you’re serious

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@occupied_stall yes, for the sake of Octopus Pete.

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

her: i really can't stay

him: but baby it's cold outside

her: oh you're right fuck that

[jackothy @HansGrubertron]

[During sex]

ME: Am I making you wet?

HER: Yes

ME: Sorry I'll tone down the crying

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

@alllegs3 How many you got?