broth

thanks for checking out my profile. I apologize in advance.

[broth @brothieboy]

@smithsara79 @WolfGangOfFour i love sandwich

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

Donating to wikipedia automatically gets you into heaven

[broth @brothieboy]

@FrancescaCapone how u gonna get mad at the doctor for given u medical advice

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

what app do i download to be happy

[greg lasso @gregside]

[sees person i know]

person: omg hey!!!

me: oh hi crazy seein you here

person: yeah

me:

person:

me: ok bye

[broth @brothieboy]

doing fortnite dances in the club

[Octopus Pete @PeteOctopus]

I put hot sauce in my ramen so now it tastes like spicy poverty

[broth @brothieboy]

No matter how old you are, an empty wrapping paper tube is still fun to bonk somebody on the head with.

[greg lasso @gregside]

WAITRESS: soup or salad?

ME: what?

WAITRESS: soup... or... salad

ME: Ohhh, I thought you said “bowl of flies”

WAITRESS: what? how?

ME: idk haha i’ll take that super salad tho

[broth @brothieboy]

Dawn dish soap is good if you need to clean dishes, or I guess if you need to clean oil off of a duck for some reason.

[broth @brothieboy]

me: mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?

mirror:

me: rats, i forgot that mirrors don’t talk.

[Joel the Forklift! @grillyjoel]

doctor: I’m concerned about that mole on your arm

me: oh no

doctor: yeah, typically we don’t allow animals in the hospital

[broth @brothieboy]

Be worry, don’t happy.

[broth @brothieboy]

me: *measuring my dick*

tailor: sir i need my tape measure back

[broth @brothieboy]

The career test I took said I have a proficiency for being unemployed tweeting bullshit

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

me: *puts condoms with the groceries on the belt*

cashier: kinda weird i’m gonna touch something you’re putting your dick in later

me: yeah *looks at bagel* how’d you know?

[Samuel Dunsiger @samdunsiger]

Me: Do you have craft beer?

Bartender: Yup, we sure do.

[proceeds to serve me a pint with googly eyes on it]