MOMther

I have a theory about Jack Lord's hair.

I break search links. Mom. MoOo

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

Hey @Instacart I have a question about your algorithms for suggesting replacement items.

[Dave @pittdave13]

One time I was Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot
And a firefly jumped up on a hickory stump and said boy let me tell you what
And I said what
And he said what what
And of course I said what what in the butt
Best summer ever

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

Trying to get a good pic of my black cat.

Trust me, she's gorgeous.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Never been hurt by being flipped off, but a genuine thumbs down, jesus christ

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

So in the post-lumpectomy info packet it doesn't mention that if you're trying really hard to open a jar, you might tense up and punch yourself in your tata and THAT HURTS LIKE A B****!

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

It’s a beautiful day so make sure to go outside and die from seasonal allergies.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

this morning I woke up to a dead mouse in a glue trap (meant for bugs) beside the toilet so don't tell me about your problems.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

I know this breaks multiple laws of human decency, but I'm eating these tacos with a fork.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

The Teenager just went in the bathroom but I'm not ready for work yet.

Guess I'm gonna be late.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

I'm just a girl, hanging out with a box of tissues and a bucket.

Like ya do.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

I love watching my neirodivergent child & their neurodivergent friends greet one another. They'll run toward each other like they're gonna hug, then stop 3 ft. away and wave.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

Standing in the dollar store line listening to all of the beeping & chirping of the register doesn't help my tinnitus.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

I don't have strep throat either!

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

@urmumsausername Howdy!

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

Something tells me that I oughn't pick at the incision site.

[picks at incision site]

... I think it's just glue?

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

It's like Hamburger Helper, but I'm not using hamburger and nobody is helping.

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

I mean, this is good news, but I'm kind of miffed that they described my breast as "unremarkable."

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

NEGATIVE FOR MALIGNANCY!

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

@urmumsausername

[MOMther @PezzleStick]

@ronsterd89 Circus peanuts. NO! Paper dots.

NO! Wax lips.

It's wax lips.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

If you come across a snake skin it means the snake shed it to grow bigger. Same thing if you come across my clothes at Goodwill.