Philosophical Goat

Whiteboards are Remarkable

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Jesus coming to earth, making friends, dying and revealing himself to be god's son is like the ultimate episode of undercover bosses

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Shitty hand driers are super environmentally friendly because they save energy by being shitty, so I end up wiping my hands on my pants

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Are Rams called Rams because they ram stuff, or do we call Ramming ramming because Rams ram

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Is it okay to illegally download 'The passion of the Christ' because Jesus died for our sins

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

"Light travels faster than sound" ... This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

If Magic Johnson's basketball career failed, he would have an incredible porn star name

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs, yet everyone loves captain America

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Apple should make something like Google glass, but for one eye, and call it the iPatch

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

One mans junk is another mans treasure is especially true if you happen to be gay

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Squidward is far too judgemental for someone who never wears pants

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

The word 'nun' is just the letter 'n' doing a cartwheel

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

Every time i think of the black market, I actually imagine a market, with little stalls selling illegal things like nukes and organs

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

My Jewish mother gave me this as a housewarming gift

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

If someone says "pinch me, I must be dreaming". You shouldn't pinch them, because if they wake up you stop existing

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

If my dog ever learns to talk, everyone will know my darkest secrets in exchange for a slice of cheese

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

A recent survey showed that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

The Death Star must have had special toilets considering the aim of stormtroopers

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

If two pregnant women get into a fight, it's like a mech battle between two fetuses

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

[Philosophical Goat @PhiloSavage]

When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws, only catapults