Phil the guy

Now dying young just didn’t work so I guess I’m dying old

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

Everyone: “Stop apologizing so much.”

Me: “Okay, sorry.”

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

Hey Twitter, Fuck you. Fuck 2020, and fuck everyone now that I think of it. You won’t hear from me in 2021.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

Everyone: “What do you have planned for this holiday season?”

Me:

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@mattycallen I cook it separately and it’s still stuffing. Dressing comes out of a bottle and goes on salad.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@mattycallen Dressing is “ranch” or “thousand island” or “French”. It’s fucking stuffing.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@mattycallen This is the type of content I enjoy. Keep it up.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@bethanyj86 @TravisLFoster

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

According to Twitter I have 124 followers, but I’m convinced 120 of them have me muted.

Which is fine, cuz I hate my tweets too.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@seekingparadigm @TravisLFoster Yeah, a little too Ralph

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

“Pass the potatoes, the peas, the butter, the peas, the pie, the butter.”
#Mitchell #MST3K @MST3K @MST3KQuotes

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@mattycallen

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

Now I’m having dreams where I still have to wear a mask. I hate this pandemic.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@simsybee @kelly_knox The term he used was “onboard maintenance” and I thought was just a funny was for him to save face.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@mattycallen “I heard that coming a mile away”

“Very good Blinken, well done”

“What?! Who’s talking?!”

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@ThePopPunkDad @mxpx @punchlion @thepromisehero @TDRrecords I see yours and raise you mine

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@secarrll @NeckDeepUK @PPAPRtweets On it!

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@secarrll @NeckDeepUK @PPAPRtweets And here I thought you’d be giving me shit for being on my pop-punk bullshit.

[Phil the guy @Philtheguy]

@ThatKrisFellows