I use the words physical hygiene and emotional hygiene. We should pay equally important attention to the hygiene of our emotions. Physical hygiene keeps us physically fit — but full of anger, what use is that? Real hygiene is emotional: peaceful, compassionate emotion. That is the real inner hygiene.
Intelligent people struggle with addiction. Their minds need more. They have obsessions nobody around them shares. Philosophy. Astronomy. Dostoevsky. Jazz. Quantum physics. Things they know deeply. Things they've gone so deep into that anything else feel like small talk. And small talk feels like suffocation. So... they drink. Work until 2 am. Doomscroll until they're numb. Because there is a gap. A gap between who you are and the conversations available to you. And it's one of the loneliest places a person can live.
If you’ve ever worked in finance, you know women like this are a force of nature, especially at top-tier banks. They might not be the “rainmaker” bringing a deal in, but they’re often the ones making sure the deal actually gets done, the client gets their win, and the bank gets its fees. They’re smart, hard-working, usually the most focused and disciplined person in the room, and utterly ruthless.
If you’re capable and you show them professional respect, they will move mountains for you. If you’re lazy, dumb, or a roadblock, though, they won’t hesitate to steamroll you and leave your body in an alley behind the building. The definition of no better friend, no worse enemy.
You’d have to to be insane to pick a fight with someone like this, especially if the facts of the case aren’t completely on your side. We’re not even 24 hours into this story and it’s already clear the guy who tried dragging this woman through the mud is likely the dumbest dude who’s ever had a job on Wall Street. He truly has no idea what he’s done or what he’s in for.
Worth a read! 😍
My mom wanted to send me homemade pickles. But I said ‘no’.
I was 27, living in New York, working on Wall Street. I didn't need pickles shipped across the world. The shipping would cost more than buying them here.
Three years later, I read the psychologist take on what I'd actually done. When you reject someone's offer to help, you're not just declining assistance. You're declining their need to matter to you!
Benjamin Franklin figured this out in 1736. He had a rival in the Pennsylvania legislature who hated him. Instead of trying to win him over with favors, Franklin asked the rival to lend him a rare book.
The rival agreed. They became lifelong friends. It's called the Ben Franklin effect.When people do something for you, they convince themselves they must like you. Otherwise, why would they help?
My mom didn't want to send pickles because I needed them.
She wanted to send them because SHE needed to feel useful to me. To feel like despite the ocean between us, she still had a role in my life.
Every time I said "I'll manage," I was taking that away from her. Here's what I learned after a decade of living away from home:
→ Accepting small favors isn't about you needing help.
It's about letting people you love feel needed.
Your dad wants to transfer ₹5000 even though you earn well?
Let him.
Your friend wants to pick you up from the airport even though Uber exists?
Say yes.
Your partner wants to make you tea even though you can make it yourself?
Accept it.
The people who love you don't want to solve your big problems. They want to matter in your small moments.
Let them. #lifelesson
You learn two things at the same time. You learn that the person who’s supposed to protect you is the one causing the damage. And you learn that the person you love most can’t protect themselves. So you start trying to protect her. At eight, nine, ten years old. You become her shield and her counselor and you lose your childhood in the process.
Hi everyone, I just published my first essay in my new The Self-Aware Leader series on Substack.
Attachment Styles and Leadership Styles https://t.co/IuNvLchPRU