Kai Thomas

Bloke. Fat, but full head of hair.

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

@Bella_91m7u @MrMattock I am triggered. Especially by the comments.

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

@kentishsal @theshufflehouse @sewateruk No! This is awful news.

[Sama Hoole @SamaHoole]

Keith the Apocalypse Bringer is a three-year-old Anglo-Nubian goat in a field in Devon.

Keith should not be underestimated.

Keith has been systematically dismantling the ecosystem since approximately 7am, when he ate a bramble. This is significant because bramble is an invasive scrub species that outcompetes wildflowers, reduces biodiversity, and creates dense monoculture thicket that nothing else can use.

Keith ate it. Keith does this every day. Keith does not charge for this service.

8:15am - Keith ate a thistle. Thistles are also considered invasive scrub in managed pasture. Goldfinches eat thistle seeds, but Keith's grazing will ensure the pasture remains open enough for the ground-nesting birds that can't use dense scrub. Keith has not attended a conservation workshop. Keith arrived at this conclusion by being a goat.

9:00am - Keith dismantled a section of hedge. This was less helpful. Keith does not have a perfect record.

10:30am - Keith escaped the field. He was in the road for eleven minutes. He ate a neighbour's rose. This is not being counted in Keith's environmental impact assessment.

11:00am - Keith was returned to the field. Keith regarded the farmer with the specific expression of an animal that does not recognise the concept of property.

12:00pm - Keith ate more bramble. His digestive system: four stomachs, a rumen full of specialised microorganisms, the ability to extract nutrition from lignified plant matter that would defeat any other animal on this field, is converting scrub vegetation into milk with a fat content of approximately 4.5%. The milk will become cheese. The cheese will be sold at the farm shop. The farm shop is four miles away. The cheese food miles are: four.

3:00pm - Keith produced manure. The manure will grow the grass. The grass will grow the bramble. The bramble will be eaten by Keith.

This system has no inputs.

It has been running since goats were domesticated approximately ten thousand years ago.

Keith is not aware he is saving the planet.

Keith is thinking about whether the fence on the north side has a weak point.

It does. Keith found it at 4:45pm.

Keith got out again.

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

@MrMattock @ITV @1PercentClubITV Only if you assume that Maria is playing rationally. Most Marias I know are not rational. I therefore think the answer is fair :)

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

@maryharristw I'm a member of that group but hadn't clocked your post there! It got some love, which is nice. Brualist-adjacent :)

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

@GaelleRTW Funnily enough, I have! But Easyjet is another matter entirely.

[Aditya Chakrabortty @chakrabortty]

Why did voters abandon Kamala Harris? Because they feel trapped – and Trump offered a way out

On Donald Trump and the new pluto-populism

My column

https://t.co/xjtuLJOYr6

[John Rentoul @JohnRentoul]

Terrific article by @anandMenon1 about growing up in Wakefield in the 1970s https://t.co/SQp6mtfir4

[Farrukh @implausibleblog]

Tim Farron, "The unpleasantness about this debate is only matched by the lack of proper information" #BBCQT

"85% of refugees settle in the country next to where they come from"

"The French take 3x more refugees than we do"

"The Germans take 4x more refugees than we do"

"If you put us back in the European Union, we are 19th in the league table when it comes to the number of refugees we take per capita"

"Do we need deterrents? Yes. The best deterrents is competence. If we assess people when they arrive - and they are not illegal immigrants - they are people seeking asylum.. From Sudan.. Afghanistan.. Iran.. Syria.. 90%+ turn out to be genuine refugees"

"If we have a competent government, and we haven't had one, let's see about this one.. And you assess them quickly.. And return the ones that are not refugees"

"That is your deterrent"

"Rwanda was a waste of money.. If they spent that money on case workers we could have processed these people, returned the ones that weren't refugees in a humane way, and let th eones who are genuine refugees, become British, pay their taxes, be part of our country, and we should be proud to admit them"

Very well said @timfarron 👏

[Gabriel Gatehouse @ggatehouse]

Genius

(From Private Eye)

[Geraint @geraintgriffith]

Tony McCarroll tomorrow.

[BladeoftheSun @BladeoftheS]

Andrew Tate finding out that his racist followers are racist.

[Ian Dunt @IanDunt]

They have no legitimate concerns. They're trying to start a race war. They're doing the nazi salute. They're trying to set asylum seekers on fire. And people like this, who prevaricate and whisper justifications, should never be forgiven.

[Republicans against Trump @RpsAgainstTrump]

This is pure gold.

I’m starting to think JD Vance is a worse VP pick than Sarah Palin

[Florence Lox 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @floboflo]

Anyone know how Liz Truss's first day at Microsoft is going?

[Count Binface @CountBinface]

Ceefax never went down. #VoteBinface

[Kai Thomas @Pswnio]

#tunbridgewells residents! Where to watch the match on Sunday night? Party includes 13 year old.

[Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy]

This is an incredible piece of work by @JonathanPieNews.

From the research, to the sequencing, to the performance.

You want to know why so many people are turning away from vapid MSM and looking to political comedy & alternative news? Look no further. 👇

[Gary Parrish @GaryParrishCBS]

Alex Rodriguez asked a question. Reggie Jackson answered it.

(Shouts to the producer and rest of the desk for staying out of Reggie’s way and just letting him talk. I doubt they expected this answer. But it’s a great few minutes of television.)