The Quotable Pastor

Real quotes from a real pastor. Made more fun by taking them out of context. 😂

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

I have a new sermon title idea. "He's young, he's handsome and he's strapping". Although I'm afraid people might think it's autobiographical.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@SavagelyAvg That could happen to me with “rummy” bears. 😄

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

"Most people live sad and pathetic lives."
"That's job security."

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

“I need new conspiracy theories, all of mine keep proving to be true.”
- not a quote from me, but another pastor friend.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@LloydLegalist As a boy with my parents we saw Marty Robbins. As a young man in high school I saw Yes - 90125. As a changed man in college I saw Steven Curtis Chapman who opened up for Whiteheart.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@julie_kelly2 Meanwhile in CA criminals run amuck.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Telling the story of the Prodigal Son this morning to our preschoolers. Seems like a good opportunity to introduce them to "inflation". After all, that's obviously why the Prodigal Son ran out of money. Herod Antipas must have been a democrat.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@SenWarren #deflecting

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@POTUS Wrong again.

[Not the Bee @Not_the_Bee]

"To anyone who says that wokeness is not influencing people: please watch this video." https://t.co/U4ZeHw20re

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Pre-k student 1: I'm four. How old are you?
Me: I'm a thousand years old.
Pre-k student 1: A thousand?! You don't even look like you're a hundred!
Pre-k student 2: You're not a thousand. I think you're either 24 or 55.
#nailedit
#ageisjustanumber
#cantgetanythingbytheseskids

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@LloydLegalist I see a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, 2 car garage home in the suburbs, whose owners have a mortgage they can't pay because of all the jobs lost due to a stymied economy brought on by partisan leadership in a democratic led state. But don't mind me, I'm rich in Spirit.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

@LeadingNFL Kenny Stabler

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Another example of God working in mysterious ways. Today California residents should be thanking the Lord for strip clubs.
"California judge rules San Diego strip clubs can stay open during lockdown, delivering blow to Newsom"
https://t.co/KtNeHkF4t1

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Uhmmm... maybe you SHOULD have used Google? Just saying.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Repeat after me: "I am an adult. I vow not to loot or riot if the candidate I vote for does not win the election. I will save the 'mayhem' for the @Allstate commercials. I will limit the expression of my dissatisfaction to complaining on @Twitter and other social media outlets."

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

"I'm glad Christ got out of the grave because he'd be dizzy." - referring to current events in our world.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

"I don't want to ruin them by bringing them in as members."

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Diagnosed with COVID-19 this week. Just lost my sense of smell. I'm gonna have to be really careful now when I cropdust someone.

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Who is less ethical?
The manager on duty for taking an ethics test for someone else?
Or my son for telling me about it when he was told not to?

[The Quotable Pastor @RealPastorisms]

Due to a technical glitch, my teenage son was not able to take his ethics test at the fast food restaurant where he works. The manager on duty tells him "don't worry about it. I'll take it for you. Just don't tell anyone."