Corporate Mom

My clothes are mostly clean, can’t remember the last time I showered, and that lovely perfume you smell is spitup.

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

*Evan Peters’ alarm goes off*
*He sits up, sighs*
“Gonna have to fuck a mannequin at work today”
#DahmerNetflix

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

I don’t even know how @Ticketmaster is a legal business anymore. Hiding promos, wiping their number from Google, not letting anyone contact them until tickets are purchased, then saying all sales are final. Complete scam. 🖕🏻

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Ok, you cannot convince me that Alyssa is not Henry and Christina’s daughter. Same mix of personalities, too 🤷🏻‍♀️ #MAFSBoston #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSightBoston

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Why is Thomas #bachelorinparadise

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Ok I’m just going to say it #BlueOrigin https://t.co/dZBafXWyMC

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

@GovAbbott wow, you really enjoy watching Texans die, don’t you? Pathetic leadership we have in this state. Must be nice to live under the privilege of your vaccine.

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

I wish Pastor Cal would stop asking Paige and Chris questions. This show did her dirty. You stuck her in a marriage with a manipulative, abusive narcissist. Let her get out. #MarriedAtFirstSight

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

@pedernalescoop our power went out at 12:30am and there is no residual heat in our house. Why aren’t you communicating with your customers? Do we need to seek alternate shelter? People are going to die in these temperatures. I am pregnant and have a 25 month old in the house.

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

@pedernalescoop

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

@WorkingBarbie @FabFitFun @MelissaJoanHart @DENISE_RICHARDS @Kimzolciak Money 💰

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Idea for @NBCGameOfGames: Uncomfortably bend over to attempt to find three matches of shitty Tupperware in a kitchen cabinet. No one will win.

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

So much unsafe sleep on #thisisus 😩

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

I want to know how, as a species that eats and swallows every day, we manage to do stupid shit like bite our tongues, mouths, and lips and choke on our own spit?!

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Omg Luke take your soap opera eyebrows and go home. #TheBachelorette

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

#BigLittleLies Prediction: Mary Louise keeps talking about her “boys”. Corey is going to turn out to be Perry’s brother. He was also super eager about wanting to meet Ziggy...

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Meryl Streep is my favorite actress, but her character is so hatable that I actually now hate Meryl Streep 👏🏻 #BigLittleLies

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Anyone else also feel like a dirty thief when they take condiments from Chick fil A they are completely unnecessary for what they ordered?

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

So tired today. Would consider sleeping in my car over lunch if my back seat didn’t have a car seat base in the middle 😩 #workingmom

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

Bit my tongue so hard today that it hasn’t really stopped bleeding since it happened 6 hours ago. Then I wondered if it hurt more than my C-section. That, my friends, is why Mother Nature is a dumb bitch that makes you forget how terrible childbirth is so you’ll have more babies.

[Corporate Mom @RealWorldProb]

I present to you a collection of original photos entitled “My Evening, In Timestamps”. The bath, 7:25pm. Everything else, 8:15-8:31pm. Baby also peed on the dog, in case you are wondering 😒 #newmomproblems