G 🍟

what is this salty discharge?!

[G 🍟 @Reel2Dialog2]

Bowtie pasta is the most handsome of all the pastas.

[G 🍟 @Reel2Dialog2]

I'm not saying I want Toby Mcguire to be Spiderman again I'm just saying things seemed a lot better when he was.

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

Samuel Owl Jackson: SAY WHO ONE MORE TIME MOTHERF-

[:p @UnkleDell]

animals be 20 minutes old and already know what to do

[G 🍟 @Reel2Dialog2]

Just wanna hear David Attenborough narrate me putting on some jeans fresh out the dryer.

[Sean @seanforhire]

[Judge] everyone is here, the new court reporter is ready, we may begin

[Me, nervously] wait did he say REPORTER? i thought it was--

[Lawyer] ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

[Me, sweating] *starts playing hot cross buns*

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

Had that nightmare again where T Rexes had long arms and could mad dunk on everyone

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

Just filled my mask with pure cocaine

[Sean @seanforhire]

the only reason squirrels don't chew bubblegum is because they can't. but you know they want to. look at them.

[L(assitude) @lmwortho]

Shoutout to my dog, who never asks questions.

[yesterday i was dl @defnotnikkit]

I’m high so I’ll say this: I wish I could hold my friends as babies

[Whatever_Amy @Whatevah_Amy]

What happens when I reach the end of Netflix?

[Swim Jeans 👖 @ShortSleeveSuit]

ME: I quit

BOSS: you don’t even work here

ME: when can I start

[Parasite Hilton @ParasiteHilton]

*climbs into race-car bed*

Get in, loser. We’re staying home.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

It’s basically just one really long meal at this point.

[Trey @treydayway]

I could eat cereal for all 8 meals a day

[Rachel @RachelNoise]

I could fuck up a Highlights magazine right now.