Richard Paton

Chef, commuinty cafe mouthpiece, lover of whisky, exponent of healther eating in Scotland (a fruitpastle aint one of your 5 a day Scotland!)and alround bawbag

[ParamountUK @ParamountUK]

@RichardPaton4 ⚠️⌛ MISSION: FAILED

🧨 YOU RAN OUT OF TIME AND YOUR MISSION HAS SELF-DESTRUCTED.

💥 YOUR NEXT MISSION IS TO WATCH MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE ��� DEAD RECKONING PART ONE IN CINEMAS JULY 10.

#MISSIONIMPOSSIBLE

[Andy @AndyRejoinEU]

Whoever did this is a genius 👏

[Gary Innes @GaryInnes]

Due to his ancestry, I was asked to compose a tune with a Gaelic title for President Trump. I wrote ‘An Clach-Bhalg’. I told his people it translates as ‘My Fine Son’ but in actual fact it translates as ‘The Ball-Bag’! Here’s a picture they sent me of it in the White House 😂

[Richard Paton @RichardPaton4]

@rickygervais Aye, he's a cunt but he's rocking that eye patch!

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Dr. King was 26 when the Montgomery bus boycott began. He started small, rallying others who believed their efforts mattered, pressing on through challenges and doubts to change our world for the better. A permanent inspiration for the rest of us to keep pushing towards justice.

[Richard Paton @RichardPaton4]

@jimmyfallon Went in to a shop were this cute girl worked with some flowers, asked her out that night, she said yes. Later that night we came back to my parents place were we caught them makin with the lovin #WorstFirstDate

[Nick Nairn @NickNairn]

I was assaulted this morning on union st , walking home from my Cookschool, 2 feisty chaps did this to me and ran off chased by@joolsfor ! If anyone saw anything can u call @policescotland on 101 they were great as were ambulance and hospital services .I'm a bit peeved but fine.

[bob mortimer @RealBobMortimer]

Don Pepperami will be performing his Andy Peters dream sequence on the gravelled area behind the tax office Tonight 8:00pm

[bob mortimer @RealBobMortimer]

FESTIVE CAT NAME SALE:

TURKEY DISTURBANCE
PRESENTLY WALNUTS
CRACKERS McKNACKERS
BRIAN HARVEYS XMAS
GREETINGS O'JESUS
NUT 31
£8 each p.a.

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Louis CK’s apology leaves a lot to be desired. For example, I “desire” a time machine so I can go back and tell him not to masturbate in front of those women.

[NowThis Impact @nowthisimpact]

Donald Trump Jr. supports silencers because it'll get little kids to play with guns

[Richard Paton @RichardPaton4]

@wesleysnipes Edinburgh, Scotland

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

“First of all, Your Honor, I prefer the term ‘penis portraits’....”

[D Attenborough @Attenboroughs_D]

Cat Fact: From a stand still a domestic cat can jump 5 times the length of its body.
Such power, such grace. #Awesome

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

Here's what happened when a Republican senator challenged a Canadian doctor on their single-payer health care system.

[Richard Paton @RichardPaton4]

Scottish summer

[David Mitchell @RealDMitchell]

I'm back in the Observer this week with a column about advertising, which this tweet is advertising. https://t.co/NgbYvRImPe

[Madness @MadnessNews]

This year at #HouseOfCommonFestival, we can confirm there will be extra bars including 2 #Gladness bars!
Cheers to that!