Stephen

Confident and Incompetent

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Home Alone all the way

[Mint Mobile @Mintmobile]

🎁GIVEAWAY🎁

Miss out on yesterday’s giveaway? Don’t worry, you can still score big. All you have to do is retweet and tell us your favorite holiday movie for a chance to WIN A YEAR OF SERVICE AND A PAIR OF MOVIE TICKETS.

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Okay Google, find a nearby mechanical bull

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

I was talking about Jeff Goldblum (like you do) and Nathan said he was a dilf soooo

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Chinchillas?

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Talking to a co-worker

C- "I thought about quitting and starting a rock n roll band"
Me- "oh cool, what do you play?"
"... nothing"
"Oh, do you sing?"
"Nope, I was just gonna wing it"

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Soup is soup, my friend

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Everyone keeps saying that yanny is high pitched and at first I was like no I still don't hear but I now realize that I'm deaf so that's why I couldn't hear it

[The Lonely Island @thelonelyisland]

So happy to announce:
NBC IS PICKING UP BROOKLYN 99 for SEASON 6!!!

[Wendy’s @Wendys]

TFW yo beef’s still frozen

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

@masonaise48 Apparently this isn't a valid response after streaking in the home depot

[Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes]

“I hit it and quidditch.”
- Harry Potter in college

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

Hot Diggity Dog

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

@masonaise48 @_kaseymacey @nwhite623 @funnyhead17 you guys... https://t.co/aDAdIC6Taa

[Taco Bell @tacobell]

It’s out of the bag. Taco Bell Tortilla Chips are coming this summer.

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

The reason the government shut down today is because they were afraid the president's toupee would blow away

[Samuel L. Jackson @SamuelLJackson]

Can someone that’s been in a Gunfight tell that Muthafukka that’s Never been in a Gunfight, the flaws of his Arm The Teachers plan??!!

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

@masonaise48 I prefer to know less and do more

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

@masonaise48 @NoahWallack Palentines day

[Stephen @Roadkill_B]

@masonaise48 This sounds like something I would do