Wisdom from Roscoe

Here to kill bugs and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

If you don’t like Tom and Jerry, you need to just shoot yourself. #bigfacts

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Wife: These rolls don't taste quite right.

Well they might have a yeast infection. Hello?!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

*talking about an alarm system at church*
"This goes for all you old people, if you fall down arming or disarming the alarm and can't get up, dont panic! The cops are already on their way."

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

*goes back to napping 30 seconds into a business related call from Son*

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Well there went that bit.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Told the GPS "up yours" today. Ain't gonna tell me my business.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

@badkennyfly Hey, Boy! That's my jam! Turn it up!!!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

*takes water from son that customer gave him*
*talking to wife*

He wasn't gonna drink it anyways.

*son stares in disbelief*

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

@brookestefer tubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbytubbyt

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Son: What are we doing here?

Inspection. In-spect-sheOWNNN!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

I don't think I wanna talk to him right now? What do you think, Fuzzy Tacos? You fuzzy taco, you.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

*picks up water bottle*

Got to get me some WAA-WAA'S!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Cinn-a-bon Delights! Cinn-a-bon Delights! Oh Cinn-a-bon Delights!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Sonic Guy: Your total is $10.85.

*hands $20 over*

Just give me ten back and we'll call it even.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Like I said, if any Judge or Jury would give him custody, they outta be shot.

Lawyer RoscoePCole.

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

*on phone with wife*
I ain't eating spaghetti without any garlic bread.
...
I ain't being picky!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Good job writing down that tree there, buddy boy. BUDDY BOYYY!!!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Ten O'clock. Now the fun begins, SONNY BOYYY!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Big Boy. Big Boy! BIG BOOOYYY!!!

[Wisdom from Roscoe @RoscoePCol]

Look at this idiot. Using a credit card to buy just a drink. Outta tell him that he can't do that if it's under five dollars.