Agent Average

Not a comedian. I'm just indifferent. Whatever.
Bruce Campbell RT'd me 2/11/14

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

There is nothing riskier than pretending not to care.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

I got my tires rotated today.
I wish that was a euphemism.

[*Baseball Chickie!* @baseballchickie]

My nipples have enlightened me that there has been a temperature change this morning.

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

These girls rock.

[Mimi a journey of Synths and Sensibility @mimidancer]

Going to take a nap. Wake me up if anything fun happens.

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

@mimidancer Damn right. That's love

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

No kidding! What the fuck @CBS ??

[Kent the Great @kentgrossarth]

@CBS switched to showing the Baltimore/Cleveland game instead of letting the Chiefs game play out? THAT'S a bullshit call. 😡😡😡

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

#ChiefsKingdom

[Lisa January @january_lisa]

@kentgossarth

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

@Megatronic13 When's the next one?

[Sassparilla @Megatronic13]

Peacock: *spreads feathers at me*

Husband: It’s trying to attract you as a mate

Me: *shyly lifts top*

Husband: no

[Stacey @skittle624]

Funny always wins.

[Agent Average @Roweboat13G]

@alrmichaels and Chris Collingsworth just can't keep from sucking Tom Brady's dick.

[Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky]

I wish I could take back all the times I was a bitch to you and redo them as the much bigger bitch I am today.

[Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky]

I can handle anything life throws at me except for impossible stains and close talkers.

[Darlin’ Darla @Darlainky]

I tried to type my name and predictive text suggested “Drunk.” Can you believe that shit? I mean I was, but still.

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

I’m not above starting an argument with myself just for the angry sex.

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

“MY BODY, MY CHOICE” I scream, as I shovel a second piece of cake into my mouth.

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

The avowed pussy grabber defends the accused sexual predator. I’m shocked, I tell you, shocked.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

NASA: We are go for launch

My wife as an astronaut: Wait! I need to set the GPS

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Me at 25: I’ve used this ID number for a year now, I’ll never forget it.

Me at 55: I’ve used this ID number for thirty years but if I didn’t use it for a week I’d forget it.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Not to brag but I’ve never said anything that was “official sounding”.