Russet Burbank!, Esq.

Enlightened spiritual being. Award-winning author of Animorphs erotica and part-time exhibitionist.

[Russet Burbank!, Esq. @RussetBurbank]

@dcfc @xryanrussellx instead she’s with a PROPERTY BROTHER

[Russet Burbank!, Esq. @RussetBurbank]

@dcfc @xryanrussellx it would be a lot happier if you were going home to zooey deschanel

[Brendan Keeler @healthapiguy]

if Judy had the courage

[Creators @XCreators]

https://t.co/Oy1nZbisbA

[Carrero @carrerovYT]

Mi cara despues de escuchar el bajo en el Trailer del Trailer 3 de GTA VI

[GORM THE OLD @GORMTHEOLD25]

Mama mia...

[sara @saradotxyz]

Stanley Tucci says a Michelin-starred restaurant served his family carrots “like a steak,” microscopic radishes and refused to give them bread

“I did go to a restaurant that is Michelin-starred, and I won’t name it. Some people love it. I didn’t. I’d been a number of times. This is in the New York area. Boy, am I vague”

“We were with the older kids, but they were younger. You sit down, it’s just a gorgeous setting and everything, and then they say, ‘Tonight, carrots are on the menu.’ I’m not kidding”

“And I was like, ‘Oh, okay. Anything else?’”

“‘The chef is treating carrots like a steak.’ And I thought, ‘No.’ The kids go, ‘What does that mean? Is he going to milk them?’”

“They were the biggest carrots I’d ever seen, all organically grown, of course. And that was the thing”

“They brought out some radishes. They came from a long distance. They had a piece of slate, and there were these radishes. We were like, ‘What are they bringing? What is that?’”

“As opposed to most things, where they get closer to you and get bigger, these got smaller. They put it down on the table and they go, ‘Radish.’ And the kids go, ‘Where?’ It was so terrible”

“We asked for bread, and they said the chef does not like to serve bread because then you won’t eat your food. I’m not six”

“I thought, it’s about you. It’s not about us. Not that you have to cater to us, but...”

[Reginald  @Sheer__Opulence]

Million dollar idea. I wonder if rockstar is going to shut this shit down eventually.

[Halle Gilbert @hallegilb]

In-flight menus of the 1950s and 60s.

[lovepert @sahib14384912]

i was selling my body on the jeremy renner app

[Jeff Zhang 张佶润 @strangeharbors]

One of the funniest to ever live stuck in the body of a piece of shit fascist

[Corporate Dudes @corporatedudes]

IT’S WHERE MATT DAMON’S HIDE🗣️

[Veggie @bigboybokchoy]

The reason you’re unhappy is that you haven’t found the right thing to buy. There’s something out there you can purchase that will make this all go away

[kb @ojvhteuhyhes]

this bit also kills me btw

[kb @ojvhteuhyhes]

i have been thinking about this all day lmao

[Russet Burbank!, Esq. @RussetBurbank]

@vidythatte @jugendingenieur I’d love to try!