Val🕷

had to learn about astrophysics on the streets

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

White people be like outer wilds changed me

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

*does a big jump*

Breadwinning gf working late: wow 😊 big one

Me: maybe my biggest one yet

Her: yup (huge swig of wine)

Me: did u ever play elder scrolls oblivion

Her: no

Me: that sucks. I wish that could be my job. Why do u have ur gun out

Her: no reason

*jumps* ok

[dylanovic dik @dickdong]

#mw2 put a mode were you can suck each others balls

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

*walking up to the librarian* excuse me, books on becoming a beast? books on going from man to beast?

[tomb @TurmShrub]

(50 cent getting chased by gnomes) mini men...mini mini mini men... wish death on me

[goth bitch jade @CrystalCries]

If I Pay $650 For When We Were Young Tickets Pete Wentz And Mikey Way Better Kiss .

[^_^ @misandrism]

yeaa not really gonna be able to come into work today either because, Yuuup. you guessed it. cursed amulet again. you know how it is with the ammy bro

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

babe, babe hey. babe. come under the covers. we can laugh as much as we want under here. its like there's no rules!

*breadwinning girlfriend who is doing our taxes and has me listed as a dependent* try and hold your breath for as long as you can buddy ill be right over

[Val🕷 @Saighdears]

@xandwat01 Realest shit ever posted to twitter xander

[paddle @ipaddlearound]

david attenborough: [mumbling] skip. i dont like this animal. skip it.

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

I wake up early and look at my sleeping girlfriend: 😊 beautiful, just like a mink with the sleekest of coats

Her in her sleep voice: are you imagining me as a mink or stoat again? Stop.

Me: done be silly my little minky.. sweet minkerino

My alarm going off: mmm whatcha saaayy

[Socks @suzzsocks]

real and true

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Me: *sipping beer, checking watch*

New clone: *sliding naked from his birthing pod and curling up on the floor* 🤤

Me: Hey bud *placing beer near his head* What’s the play tonight 🙂

New clone: 🤤

Last friday’s clones:🧍🏻‍♂️have beer?🧍🏻‍♂️beer🧍🏻‍♂️beer!

Me: 😡SHUT UP! he’s thinking 🥺

[Val🕷 @Saighdears]

Day 3858 of Kappa complaining about completely functioning and worming game mechanics

[Val🕷 @Saighdears]

I used to throw grapes at people in primary

[Val🕷 @Saighdears]

Kappa is a moron who doesn't understand momentum