samantha

loves a good raffle

[knobgobblingoblonghobgoblin @dabvenny]

Lactose intolerant people when they eat cheese:

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

something i actually just said to my dental hygienist: i'm sorry to keep talking about punxsutawney phil

[knobgobblingoblonghobgoblin @dabvenny]

Niki to Meghan

[summer 🖕 @salesforcechild]

just had a really hard phone call with my doctor, he gave me the news i have been dreading to hear for months: no more monkeys jumping on the bed

[khai 🧧🎏🐈‍⬛ @sumtimw0ng]

Canadians with new passport travelling this fall:

[Eugene Lee Yang @EugeneLeeYang]

In ONE week, America.

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

shit i forgot to give biden a gift on president's day, sorry joe

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

imagine being a groom and not being the best man at your own wedding. embarrassing.

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

my sherlock mind palace is spaghetti warehouse

i sit in the trolley and i think

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

imagine finding out that the king of queens took place in the spiderman universe

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

if ur near syracuse and wanna shave ur head for children with cancer on march 19th, dm @dabvenny !!! get bald !!!

[jim @jimtropolis]

she lemony on my snicket until there’s an unfortunate event

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

when you accidentally type "thankless water heater" instead of "tankless water heater"

[jamie @gnuman1979]

Dam.

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

perk of eating alone: you don't wish that you ordered what someone else ordered

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

ska isn't bad, it's just funny

[samantha @SamLikesPudding]

my sole twitter draft