Seena Vali

Senior Writer for @LastWeekTonight. Former Senior Writer / Sports Editor for @TheOnion.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

There's something so incredibly calming about the sound of ocean waves crashing into that crying 6-year-old's sand castle.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

This is a great read on @minakimes, one of my favorite NFL analysts, by @benjstrauss. A fascinating insight into Mina's incredible career arc and analytical style. Also I like that she carries her pup Lenny over streams bc he's afraid of water.

https://t.co/dWMTcUnPN9

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Chris is, simply put, incredible and a total joy to work with. And while such praise will undoutedly make him uncomfortable, that in and of itself makes him even more endearing.

[Christopher Werner @chrismwerner]

Hi I'm Chris, a freelance Director, and this is my reel! I’ve done some ridiculous things that I’m very proud of, and I'm always looking for new ridiculous things and challenges. Feel free to share this video if you like it, or hate it. I’m not picky! https://t.co/TmuBoRVhrI

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

A healthier attitude toward Twitter I'm trying to adopt: before I tweet something, I always ask myself, "Is this adding anything to the conversation?" and then no matter what the answer is, I don't tweet it.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Why am I even tweeting again

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

As a writer, there's nothing more terrifying than staring at a blank page as it holds a switchblade to your wife's throat and demands all your money and valuables.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

@BrianStack153 It is indeed true. We used to have the letter from Michael Cohen framed in the office. It ended with "Guide yourself accordingly."

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

@geoffhaggerty @DanGurewitch did you really though be honest Geoff

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Sometimes when I'm stressed and need to put things into perspective, I think of the thousands of cumulative hours that humanity has devoted to filming close-up shots of a buffalo wing being dipped into a cup of sauce.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Jen's hilarious book is now available in both hardcover AND paperback, and even if it was printed in a cover made of live tarantulas ("tarantulaback"), I would *still* recommend you buy it because that's how great it is!

[Jen Spyra @jenspyra]

🥳🥳My book Big Time is out in paperback today!! It's a rip-roaring good time. Take my word for it!

What's that? My word can go to hell?

Ok.

But please show JACK HANDEY'S word more respect:

https://t.co/Es1CaEMtxI

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

I read this last night and it made me laugh so hard the whole way through. You can enjoy it too for the price of a large coffee, or a box of Cheerios, or 2 bags of Rold Gold pretzels if you have a Safeway Club Card (I'm at Safeway rn)

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Love everything about this. Love the giant gavel. Love the weird photo. Love that it's a gift for anyone in the legal field or anyone "who has been in any type of leadership role," generally.

"Hey Bill, congrats on getting promoted to chief of surgery! Here's a giant gavel!"

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

is pancake twitter a thing and if so can I be part of it I really like pancakes

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Adorned in a velvet smoking jacket and silk pajamas, I sit down in my leather armchair next to the roaring fireplace in my study, gently kick off my plush slippers, light my briar pipe, and begin quietly reading the novelization of "G.I. Joe: Retaliation."

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

It never shows up in the tv shows or movies, but in the original Sir Arthur Conan Doyle stories, Sherlock Holmes spends most of his time using his magnifying glass to burn ants to death on the sidewalk.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

@preachy_spice @chrismwerner @anferno @JohnCena hey @JohnCena I think we should let @preachy_spice into our new Best Friends Club, she doesn't Kart but we could do other fun Best Friends activities together (hiking, hockey, jumprope, fencing, etc.)

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

Genuinely I think this is the first bit of joy Twitter has brought to me in like...3 years?

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

@chrismwerner @anferno @JohnCena hey @JohnCena, @chrismwerner is in too. I also have the new booster course pass so we can all race on the new tracks. it'll be real fun. shall we say 9pm EST?

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

I don't care that he follows 400k other people. Don't ruin this for me. John Cena likes me and wants to be my best friend and that's what I will keep telling myself.

[Seena Vali @SeenaVali]

I only tweet like once a year, so here's this year's tweet:

There's still a part of me that genuinely thinks becoming a 9th degree black belt is the coolest thing any person could ever achieve.

Ok hope you enjoyed, see you all in 2023.