CantWaitToNap…

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Which one of you fuckers taped over my vhs copy of the “Who’s the Boss?” series finale?

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Still can’t find the Go Fish table at this casino.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Think my neighbors are having some sort of wind chime war.

[Ava @avainwordland]

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Nudes from Europe are simply more tasteful.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Vacation coming up and I’m as excited as JD Vance with an 8 ball in a Pottery Barn.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Seven wives and no alcohol?

No thanks Mormons.

[M. Matos @mlb_matos]

I did say I would never stop loving you, but that was before you made forever feel like a life sentence.

[stACED @girl_a_whirl]

Legend says that if Sam Elliot shaves off his mustache, he becomes a mere mortal.

[Tow r of liza @h2ojones]

"I can do that!"
Me, everytime I watch the Olympics.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

A rabid raccoon might be imposing but have you ever encountered an angry beaver?

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Find yourself someone who makes your bad days good and your good days better.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

My 23andMe results came back and it turns out I’m 15% Irish, 15% Italian and 70% Dickish