Ziggy Burns

live and let die

[mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki @moll11y]

Maybe he broke up with her because he’s not into fat girls

[Rocky @viperwave]

"Focus, M" had to be forgotten immediately because it was too powerful.

[dps @dps2323]

What on earth was going on in 2020

[Ziggy Burns @ShinWhyShoFat]

@oldfriend99 It’s called Saturday

[morgan (vermont) @vermont_morgan]

"there's no way I'd recognize- Oh, yeah that's him"

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I know I’m inadequate. She knows I’m inadequate. Her friends know I’m inadequate. My friends don’t know anything because I don’t tell them about my life. It’s all progressing. The plan for married at 28, bald at 29, divorced at 30 is on track

[Patriciascurse @ILLYGIRL23]

This perfectly sums up all online discourse now

[duncan b-梁 🦦🇵🇸 @dunksdeux]

yoda: troubled by this news, you are?

luke: it's just, uh, she kinda... kissed me full on the lips a while ago

yoda [smirking]: kissed you, she did?

luke: cmon man i didn't know

yoda [visibly texting, trying not to laugh]: no worries, understand, i do,

[nape mango @NapeMango]

the Joe Biden “46⚡️48” bumper stickers are gonna go so crazy when he’s back in office

[JoeI @whitefeelimgs]

Countless America deliberately earn no more than $15,000 a year so they can give their brat kids thousands of dollars worth of fish knowledge on the tax payer’s dime

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

My mum has the final cigarette from the last pack she ever smoked still in the packet in a kitchen drawer. In the last 35 years it's been replaced by me or my sister at least 50 times.

[eternal classic @eternalclassic_]

interdimensional cable never misses

[“Tom”. @NotThatTomGreen]

I know women aren’t treated fairly in sports. But at least give her a car. Don’t make her run.

[gio broccoli @offthecob_]

Watching car crash videos while I’m driving

[Sprocket Springberry @sabatonfan69]

Yeah man you can put whatever you want in there

[abcdent @abcdentminded]

I always said that Genius Dot Com should only show you two thirds of the lyrics and then make your phone really hot, it's so cool that they're willing to listen to their users' ideas

[ant @persistantz]

whatsapp be like hey bro look at this picture your coworker sent of their baby in the work chat i'm gonna save it to your gallery and back it up into your google photos now

[Ziggy Burns @ShinWhyShoFat]

@bluecollarprose @mikerecine Hills like white elephants