Shit My Friends Say

my friends are dumb fucking bitches

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

“I’ve been a spitter my whole life, especially those couple of weeks in prison” - Ian

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

@BartlebyMelvil @Oneironautilus @CallaWalsh Hitler died.

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Two roommates move away from each other still there for each other.

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"Wait why are you saying Joseph Cusack" - Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"If you're gonna kill me, make it hot" - Emma

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Mason: who was this about??
Emma: coke dealers

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Emma: "And they're usually my preferred body type"
Mason: "Ya! Skinny and sad."

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Emma: Next year for my birthday, we’re either swimming with otters or flying to Paris.

Mason: *confused*

E: what I’m rich now? We can do whatever.

M: you literally asked me for $5 earlier….

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Emma: "And they're usually my preferred body type"
Mason: "Ya! Skinny and sad."

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

“What happens when you smoke mold?” - Emma

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"Just bare puss in the living room ?"
- Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"That is from Billy's personal collection of stupid shit" - Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"Thinking I was a bad bitch, turns out, sad bitch" - Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

“I’D FUCK A ROOSTER” - Billy

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"My best friend is a kindergarten teacher, and I stressed puked over a keg." - Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

Mason: "you know what I dont believe in?"
Us: "what"
Mason: "the Lord"

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

“Do cops have to pay for their own gas or what?” -Mason

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

“I wanna fuck my kitchen manager. He has three fingers on one hand.” -Emma

“Damnit. Well, Is he at least cute?” -mason

“He has tattoos, has been to prison for drugs, and has a girlfriend. So he’s my type.” -Emma

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"I'm so sad that you look like that" - Billy

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"Nobody exists while I'm asleep!" - Billy

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"Don't pull out for science" - Mason's Cousin

[Shit My Friends Say @ShitMyLifeOff]

"I'm not a man, I'm Mason."