Making an appearance for @FuelMyDarkness only. Happy birthday, loser. I heard you were crying because I hadn’t shown up. You can stop sniffing my old shirt you stole a few years ago, trying to find my scent. Your gift is on your dresser. Hint: It’s one of my newer shirts. —
Happy birthday @GuilessPixie. I’ll perform for you later. I know I’m the best present you could ever get, but I want you to know 1) You are almost prettier than me. 2) You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Can’t wait to change your awful last name to Rey.
@GuilessPixie I miss you, fiancé. It’s hard being alone when you’re this good looking and charming, knowing I should be sharing my natural gifts. Smiling at myself in the mirror doesn’t do the trick like it used to.
There’s no need for birthday presents with me in your life, @atwistofate, alas here you go: a bottle of my new signature cologne: Smooth Ryd. Just carry it with you wherever you go. Consider it a supplement for charm, success, and wicked good looks.
I think it's "Disappoint Ry" month. The gods decided I was too gifted so they had to make me suffer momentarily. Commercial break, feel free to show up soon.