Simply Jessi

Let's pretend this never happened. #KCCO Eh?

[The Planet @ShipInTheKnight]

Funny women are smart. Be careful.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

Trapped somewhere between "it's time for you to settle down" and "don't lower your standards"

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

@keud12 ... I might have to go buy some paper plates.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

Attempt at Adulthood
Chapter 3: How long can I go before doing the dishes?

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

Stay strong, things will get better.

No, not for you. You're fucked.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

@iDaveTheDave oh no! I'm no good under time constraints

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

@iDaveTheDave I think I'm prepared. http://t.co/zcOhm7T6Yu

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

@iDaveTheDave I'll make up for post time..

[Steve Dutzy @SteveDutzy]

*interrupts you on our first date*

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE POKÉMON? MINE'S PIKACHU

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

This could be us, but you playin

[tater🍁 @TrueTorontoGirl]

I may be drunk but I'll sober up and you'll still be an asshole.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

Doing a solo rendition of 'The Boy Is Mine'

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

If you've never seen "The Sandlot". You need to change that. Immediately.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

@keud12 If you believe. I believe.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

Gents, no matter how you try, there is no way to take an artistic picture of your dick. Stop trying.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

I spend three weeks out of the month trying to reverse the havoc I've caused my body in one week.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

Whoever said money doesn't make the world go round was probably living with their parents still.

[Simply Jessi @SimplyJessi_]

"Why are you still single?! You're so great" http://t.co/RuclCA7zAF

[Swishergirl @Swishergirl24]

For my next trick I will make 10 minutes of work last 3 hours